Yea, I'm talking about you...but only if you're the kind of person that's too lazy to actually shop for a gift and end up sending a gift card to some shitty ass store that the recipient doesn't shop at.
I don't get it, how hard is it to write a fucking check these days!? Hell, could it be more easier that PayPal-ing it!? You don't even need to get off the couch for that! Instead, some lazy fucks think it's "thoughtful" to send a gift card for some store/restaurant. Well, you know what, it's NOT! If anything, it shows that you really don't give a shit because you can't spend the time to pick out a good gift and that you're also being a huge dick for restricting me to where I have to do that chore for you!
I've gotten gifts cards in the past to places ranging from Chili's to Pottery Barn. What the hell am I going to do with a $50 gift card to Pottery Barn!? Am I supposed to throw $150 of my own money into buying some over-priced $200 bedding set and then send the person a THANK YOU card!? Like what am I suppose to write on that card - "thank you for the gorgeous bedding set we bought for ourselves at Pottery Barn. Without your $50 contribution, we would never have been able to afford it. You're so thoughtful, you fucking douche!"
And even worse, gift cards to Chili's! Hello, I live in Brooklyn!!! How many fucking Chili's are there in Brooklyn!? And why would I go to Chili's?? Their fucking baby back ribs are shit! I rather take my chances at Chi Chi's...oh what's that, they've been closed down for food poisoning. Well shit, there goes that Chi Chi's gift certificate!
Old Navy, DITTO! Not to sound like a snub but...I'm kind of a snub. What make you think I'd step into an Old Navy much less wear anything from Old Navy!? Even Banana Republic is frown upon by me and you expect me to wear something from Old Navy?? Do I look like a high school freshman to you!? You clearly don't know me and I should be ashamed that you're someone I keep in touch with.
So I hope I'm making my points very clear, DO NOT FUCKING SEND GIFT CARDS AS A GIFT! Just because it has the word "gift" in its name does not mean you should gift it. If anything, if you wait long enough, that gift card might just come back to you...trust me, I've got them saved up and each has a name written on them, next to the word "douchebag."
And furthermore, if you're going to send a gift card (first of all, DON'T), at least make it a minimum of $20! The only thing that pisses me off more than getting a gift card is getting a gift card with less than $20 on it. WHY even fucking bother!? At that point, just send a Christmas/birthday/anniversary/etc card and leave it at that...or send nothing at all! Can you imagine getting a gift card to Chili's for $10? First of all, you're going to have to eat at Chili's. And if that's not bad enough, you're obviously going to have to pay for someone else to dine with you because let's face it, inviting someone to Chili's and then insist on that someone to pay for his/her own meal is just not cool. And obviously, you're NOT going to Chili's by your lonesome self, you're not. So to sum it up, when you give someone a $10 gift card to Chili's, you're basically saying this: "Hey asshole, I hate your guts! So this is what I'm going to do...I'm gonna pay you $10 to dine at a shitty "restaurant" with someone else and you pay for the balance of the meal. I hope you take a date there with you because that means you're definitely not getting laid and will have no chance of ever getting laid with that said person. To add insult to injury, I hope you get food poisoning and puke your guts out on that date of yours. Enjoy asshole!" So, before you send me that $10 gift card to Chili's, let me just say this right now: "FUCK YOU!"
Monday, July 19, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Yes, it's been a while since my last update...but that does not mean that nothing have grinded my gears since then. At the urging of someone (let's call this person Pat), I'm back ranting on the keyboard while hoping I don't break this one this time from the tone of my words. Clearly, Pat thinks it's funny when things are grinding my gears. Well you know what Pat, I'm billing you for a new keyboard if this one breaks as a result.
There's one thing that's always been grinding my gears and it never stops. And that is the New York City MTA, the douchebags responsible for my shitty morning and evening commutes pretty much every day. For a 6-7 miles of commute, it would take me anywhere from as little as 30 minutes and as much as...at least an hour. I fail to comprehend how something so simple could be turned into something that fucking complicated! The simple idea is to run a train of 8-10 traincars along a track while stopping at certain "stations" to let people on and off. If you start a train at the origination point every 7-8 minutes, each train would hit every station every 7-8 minutes after the previous train. INSTEAD, what you get is the exact fucking opposite. Let's run through all the scenerios I've experienced first hand.
First, there's the "do not hold the door" excuse. That is, they're claiming that because some people hold the doors, the train can not move and thereby causes delays. Well bull-fucking-shit! For one, close the door. Maybe it's just me here but if I were to get caught in the door and it continues to shut on my arm (or better yet my bag and then starts moving), you can be sure I won't try it ever again. And secondly, there's no speed limit for trains. If you're 30 seconds behind, speed the fuck up! It's not like there a granny driving a slow ass '88 Buick Park Avenue in front of you, is there?
Then there's the "because of train traffic ahead..." excuse. Excuse me, but do you think everyone on the train is braindead!? Where the fuck did the train traffic come from, the sixth dimension? It's a one way track with no ins and outs! And even IF there really is train traffic, that's only because you somehow fucked up the simple plan and sent too many trains at the same time! In the end, it's still your fault for being so fucking stupid to comprehend a very basic idea.
And of course, there's also the "because of debris on the track..." excuse. I'm sorry, have you seen what the train looks like? Can you imagine how much debris it'll take to prevent a train from running it over? And it wouldn't be a problem if the lazy ass station worker empties the trash and sweeps the platforms instead of sleeping!
And in the end, there's only one thing you can depend on the MTA for, incompetence and unreliability. And yes, I know, but I count those two as one thing because they go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.
Of course, I noticed something else today. I have a monthly metrocard that expired today so I had to purchase a new one. There are 3 machines at the station where I live. All three takes credit cards and debit cards...at least they're supposed to. I've noticed recently (recently as in the last 2+ years) that two of the machines won't read any credit cards; and that includes the one that ONLY takes credit/debit cards. WTF right? What's the fucking point of having that machine there? It's like having a blind guy at the library to read books for kids, totally useless but somehow we're paying for it to be there, the electricity to keep it on, and the salary for the douchebags that supposedly maintain and service it. Only today, that one machine that does take credit cards is now unable to read my Amex card. So I tried my Visa...and then my Mastercard...and I would have tried my Discover Card but for the fact I don't have one of those and no one accepts them (remind me why it still exists, please). And during that whole process, the damn trains comes...and goes. So FUCK, I'm gonna have to wait for another one that arrives in who the fuck knows how long! I go to the booth and asks the half-asleep "attendant" why the fuck none of the machines is not taking credit cards. He tells me none of the are working. NO SHIT SHERLOCK! That's why I'm asking you WHY! And of course, he can't take my credit card also. Now the fucking dilemma...a monthly metrocard costs $89 for unlimited ride, a single ride costs $2.25, and if I buy a $20 card - they'd give me 15% extra (for those not Asian, $23 in credit). I normally get the monthly, but I don't have $89 in cash nor do I want to forfeit 89 membership reward points that I would've earned from using my Amex! However, if I pay for a single ride, I get fucked out of the 15% discount! So what do I do, I paid $20 in cash because I don't like getting screwed over out of principle! So naturally, I'm fuming from that point all the way to Bryant Park. And when I finally got to Bryant Park, I noticed something, the damn machines at Bryant Park only sells single ride metrocards! These motherfuckers are pennypinching by fucking people over. By only selling single ride metrocards, they don't have to give people the 15% bonus. And by having much of their credit card readers in the machines "broken," they force people to use cash and save them from having to pay an interchange fee to the banks and credit card companies. Meanwhile, their fucking union workers are sleeping on the night shift, driving trains that are capable of driving themselves, leaving trash cans full to the top, etc etc...all the while collecting a nice salary and the benefits that comes with an unionized "job." Motherfuckers!
There's one thing that's always been grinding my gears and it never stops. And that is the New York City MTA, the douchebags responsible for my shitty morning and evening commutes pretty much every day. For a 6-7 miles of commute, it would take me anywhere from as little as 30 minutes and as much as...at least an hour. I fail to comprehend how something so simple could be turned into something that fucking complicated! The simple idea is to run a train of 8-10 traincars along a track while stopping at certain "stations" to let people on and off. If you start a train at the origination point every 7-8 minutes, each train would hit every station every 7-8 minutes after the previous train. INSTEAD, what you get is the exact fucking opposite. Let's run through all the scenerios I've experienced first hand.
First, there's the "do not hold the door" excuse. That is, they're claiming that because some people hold the doors, the train can not move and thereby causes delays. Well bull-fucking-shit! For one, close the door. Maybe it's just me here but if I were to get caught in the door and it continues to shut on my arm (or better yet my bag and then starts moving), you can be sure I won't try it ever again. And secondly, there's no speed limit for trains. If you're 30 seconds behind, speed the fuck up! It's not like there a granny driving a slow ass '88 Buick Park Avenue in front of you, is there?
Then there's the "because of train traffic ahead..." excuse. Excuse me, but do you think everyone on the train is braindead!? Where the fuck did the train traffic come from, the sixth dimension? It's a one way track with no ins and outs! And even IF there really is train traffic, that's only because you somehow fucked up the simple plan and sent too many trains at the same time! In the end, it's still your fault for being so fucking stupid to comprehend a very basic idea.
And of course, there's also the "because of debris on the track..." excuse. I'm sorry, have you seen what the train looks like? Can you imagine how much debris it'll take to prevent a train from running it over? And it wouldn't be a problem if the lazy ass station worker empties the trash and sweeps the platforms instead of sleeping!
And in the end, there's only one thing you can depend on the MTA for, incompetence and unreliability. And yes, I know, but I count those two as one thing because they go hand in hand. You can't have one without the other.
Of course, I noticed something else today. I have a monthly metrocard that expired today so I had to purchase a new one. There are 3 machines at the station where I live. All three takes credit cards and debit cards...at least they're supposed to. I've noticed recently (recently as in the last 2+ years) that two of the machines won't read any credit cards; and that includes the one that ONLY takes credit/debit cards. WTF right? What's the fucking point of having that machine there? It's like having a blind guy at the library to read books for kids, totally useless but somehow we're paying for it to be there, the electricity to keep it on, and the salary for the douchebags that supposedly maintain and service it. Only today, that one machine that does take credit cards is now unable to read my Amex card. So I tried my Visa...and then my Mastercard...and I would have tried my Discover Card but for the fact I don't have one of those and no one accepts them (remind me why it still exists, please). And during that whole process, the damn trains comes...and goes. So FUCK, I'm gonna have to wait for another one that arrives in who the fuck knows how long! I go to the booth and asks the half-asleep "attendant" why the fuck none of the machines is not taking credit cards. He tells me none of the are working. NO SHIT SHERLOCK! That's why I'm asking you WHY! And of course, he can't take my credit card also. Now the fucking dilemma...a monthly metrocard costs $89 for unlimited ride, a single ride costs $2.25, and if I buy a $20 card - they'd give me 15% extra (for those not Asian, $23 in credit). I normally get the monthly, but I don't have $89 in cash nor do I want to forfeit 89 membership reward points that I would've earned from using my Amex! However, if I pay for a single ride, I get fucked out of the 15% discount! So what do I do, I paid $20 in cash because I don't like getting screwed over out of principle! So naturally, I'm fuming from that point all the way to Bryant Park. And when I finally got to Bryant Park, I noticed something, the damn machines at Bryant Park only sells single ride metrocards! These motherfuckers are pennypinching by fucking people over. By only selling single ride metrocards, they don't have to give people the 15% bonus. And by having much of their credit card readers in the machines "broken," they force people to use cash and save them from having to pay an interchange fee to the banks and credit card companies. Meanwhile, their fucking union workers are sleeping on the night shift, driving trains that are capable of driving themselves, leaving trash cans full to the top, etc etc...all the while collecting a nice salary and the benefits that comes with an unionized "job." Motherfuckers!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I've HAD IT!!! And I'm not going to anything about it.
Yea, you've read right. It comes a time where you realize that there's nothing you can do about the things that grind your grears. Take last night for example: I was on my way home after spending another 12+ hours at work (think 10 on the Productiveness/Laziness Scale). I got on the R local train (for those of you who are non-NYers, they make every stop on the line while the express trains make stops after every 3-4 stops on the line) and there's this lady that's just going to town on her nose, picking it like there's no tomorrow. (Yes Evan, EWWWWW!) She didn't stop even as I was getting off (the train, not myself...PERVERT!) at Times Square to catch an express back to Brooklyn. I'm stand there like "holy shit, can I touch one of these poles on the train without getting some of that residue on my hands? And if she's doing it, how many others like her have done it and touched these poles? The MTA fucks definitely don't Lysol these poles every night...or ever. Fuck!" So what do I do, tell her to stop? Does she even understand English? Will I run the chance of her touching me with the finger that's just been in her nose? Yeaaaa, I'm not going to chance it. Instead, I stood there in shock.
Anyways, after catching the N express train at Times Square, I sat there and read the WSJ and listened to my iphone. All of a sudden, I pulled into Canal St. stop. It looked different! The reason: it was different - it is where the local trains stop...which means...this train is LOCAL and it's going through lower Manhattan and not across the Manhattan Bridge. This will add like 5 stops and at least 15 minutes to my commute. Why is this happening? Their explanation, there was a investigation at 7th Avenue on the Q line (share's much of the same track as the N in Manhattan). Now, 7th Ave stop is BEHIND ME! It's like they're saying, I know you're going to Boston but because there's some trouble with the road in Washington, we're not allowing you to take I-95 North to Boston...from NY! Makes ZERO sense!
And if that's not enough, the train stops for 3-5 minutes after every minute it seems on it's way to Brooklyn because of "train traffic ahead of us." WHAT TRAIN TRAFFIC? WHY AREN'T THOSE THINGS RUNNING? I can understand if they said "we are stopped due to a dead body ahead of us." Yea, that makes sense, but train traffic? What does that even mean?
After yeons, we pulled into DeKalb Ave and there's a Q ahead of us. People got off to take the Q and one guy came back and said the employees told him that Q will be running on the N express line so he needs to go to Atlantic and take the 2 or 3 or wait for another Q which won't be coming anytime soon due to the investigation. And of course, my train announced that they will be running local throughout Brooklyn. I figured, "hey, at least it'll take me to my stop." NOT SO FAST...as we pulled into Atlantic, I noticed the train is now on the express side of the track. Which mean, it won't be making my stop and I'll have to get the fuck off. I really want to know who makes these decisions, REALLY.
So I stand on the platform with many other pissed off riders for another 10 or so minutes and that Q train from DeKalb pulled into the station...on the local track. (remember how they told the guy it was running express on the N?) I get on and one employee announces "this train will make express stops." FUCK I said. Then anyother employee announced "NO, this train is making local stops." "That's not right" announce the first guy. "That's what I was just told" replied the second guy over the intercom. "You sure?" "Last I was told." So I'm in the train and one guy on the platform asked if the train was running local. I replied "can't really say, I don't have schizophrenia." which got some laughter from the crowd in the train but the guy on the platform have no clue what I meant.
In the end, what is a normally 30-40 minute commute took me 90 minutes. Who's to blame? The damn union workers at the MTA. What can I do about it? Nothing except take it up the ass like everyone else. This shit is really grinding my gears and there's nothing I can do about it. Meanwhile, we got Hillary and Barack trying to win the unions...I don't think this transportation system will get any better. I'm just hoping it doesn't get any worse because it can...and probably will. I'm fucked, we're all fucked!
Yea, you've read right. It comes a time where you realize that there's nothing you can do about the things that grind your grears. Take last night for example: I was on my way home after spending another 12+ hours at work (think 10 on the Productiveness/Laziness Scale). I got on the R local train (for those of you who are non-NYers, they make every stop on the line while the express trains make stops after every 3-4 stops on the line) and there's this lady that's just going to town on her nose, picking it like there's no tomorrow. (Yes Evan, EWWWWW!) She didn't stop even as I was getting off (the train, not myself...PERVERT!) at Times Square to catch an express back to Brooklyn. I'm stand there like "holy shit, can I touch one of these poles on the train without getting some of that residue on my hands? And if she's doing it, how many others like her have done it and touched these poles? The MTA fucks definitely don't Lysol these poles every night...or ever. Fuck!" So what do I do, tell her to stop? Does she even understand English? Will I run the chance of her touching me with the finger that's just been in her nose? Yeaaaa, I'm not going to chance it. Instead, I stood there in shock.
Anyways, after catching the N express train at Times Square, I sat there and read the WSJ and listened to my iphone. All of a sudden, I pulled into Canal St. stop. It looked different! The reason: it was different - it is where the local trains stop...which means...this train is LOCAL and it's going through lower Manhattan and not across the Manhattan Bridge. This will add like 5 stops and at least 15 minutes to my commute. Why is this happening? Their explanation, there was a investigation at 7th Avenue on the Q line (share's much of the same track as the N in Manhattan). Now, 7th Ave stop is BEHIND ME! It's like they're saying, I know you're going to Boston but because there's some trouble with the road in Washington, we're not allowing you to take I-95 North to Boston...from NY! Makes ZERO sense!
And if that's not enough, the train stops for 3-5 minutes after every minute it seems on it's way to Brooklyn because of "train traffic ahead of us." WHAT TRAIN TRAFFIC? WHY AREN'T THOSE THINGS RUNNING? I can understand if they said "we are stopped due to a dead body ahead of us." Yea, that makes sense, but train traffic? What does that even mean?
After yeons, we pulled into DeKalb Ave and there's a Q ahead of us. People got off to take the Q and one guy came back and said the employees told him that Q will be running on the N express line so he needs to go to Atlantic and take the 2 or 3 or wait for another Q which won't be coming anytime soon due to the investigation. And of course, my train announced that they will be running local throughout Brooklyn. I figured, "hey, at least it'll take me to my stop." NOT SO FAST...as we pulled into Atlantic, I noticed the train is now on the express side of the track. Which mean, it won't be making my stop and I'll have to get the fuck off. I really want to know who makes these decisions, REALLY.
So I stand on the platform with many other pissed off riders for another 10 or so minutes and that Q train from DeKalb pulled into the station...on the local track. (remember how they told the guy it was running express on the N?) I get on and one employee announces "this train will make express stops." FUCK I said. Then anyother employee announced "NO, this train is making local stops." "That's not right" announce the first guy. "That's what I was just told" replied the second guy over the intercom. "You sure?" "Last I was told." So I'm in the train and one guy on the platform asked if the train was running local. I replied "can't really say, I don't have schizophrenia." which got some laughter from the crowd in the train but the guy on the platform have no clue what I meant.
In the end, what is a normally 30-40 minute commute took me 90 minutes. Who's to blame? The damn union workers at the MTA. What can I do about it? Nothing except take it up the ass like everyone else. This shit is really grinding my gears and there's nothing I can do about it. Meanwhile, we got Hillary and Barack trying to win the unions...I don't think this transportation system will get any better. I'm just hoping it doesn't get any worse because it can...and probably will. I'm fucked, we're all fucked!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Ever heard of kosher salt!? (Warning: you may and will be offended if you're Jewish)
So last night I decided to brave it and order from Abigael's on Broadway for dinner. For those of you that don't know, Abigael's serves kosher meals. I figured, how bad can it be...(of course, had I at the time remembered the episode of Elaine on the airplane being served the kosher meal, I'd be better off)
So I decided on the BBQ cedar plank salmon. Sounds delicious doesn't it? Yea, "except the exact opposite!" (keep reading) It came in your typical aluminum container that was taped shut (sissors required, literally) which was placed in a nice looking bag that was not only stapled shut but also taped shut. I'm begining to think they've had history where the delivery guy tried to eat the food before (not sure why the delivery guys would subject themselves to that).
Anyways, after 10 minutes of trying to open the bag and the container, I had the first taste of the salmon...it was the blandest meal I've ever had! And I've had people forget to add seasoning to my food before. You can't have the decency to put in some salt after I paid you $18 for the meal (you guys want to hear a Jewish joke)!? I can't believe all these people that gave the place 5 star ratings! You don't find many 5 star ratings on seamless web and I can't think of a reason this place is even a 2 star. WHO would give this place 5 stars!? Oh wait, kosher...=...jews. AH, that made sense.
I have to give it to them, if they rate this place 5 star, imagine what they're used to. THAT, people, is what you call religious devotion! If I were born a Jew...oh boy, let's not even go down that path. (Now I know why Allison (Jewish) is dating Joe (Italian), but I'm still trying to figure out why Joe is dating Allison - no offense you two) Like I understand the whole bless the food deal but I never realize that when you bless it, you also forbid that piece of meat to ever have taste, EVER! So be warned, if you're not kosher Jewish, stay away from kosher food. (You people better appreciate the stuff that I do for you)
So last night I decided to brave it and order from Abigael's on Broadway for dinner. For those of you that don't know, Abigael's serves kosher meals. I figured, how bad can it be...(of course, had I at the time remembered the episode of Elaine on the airplane being served the kosher meal, I'd be better off)
So I decided on the BBQ cedar plank salmon. Sounds delicious doesn't it? Yea, "except the exact opposite!" (keep reading) It came in your typical aluminum container that was taped shut (sissors required, literally) which was placed in a nice looking bag that was not only stapled shut but also taped shut. I'm begining to think they've had history where the delivery guy tried to eat the food before (not sure why the delivery guys would subject themselves to that).
Anyways, after 10 minutes of trying to open the bag and the container, I had the first taste of the salmon...it was the blandest meal I've ever had! And I've had people forget to add seasoning to my food before. You can't have the decency to put in some salt after I paid you $18 for the meal (you guys want to hear a Jewish joke)!? I can't believe all these people that gave the place 5 star ratings! You don't find many 5 star ratings on seamless web and I can't think of a reason this place is even a 2 star. WHO would give this place 5 stars!? Oh wait, kosher...=...jews. AH, that made sense.
I have to give it to them, if they rate this place 5 star, imagine what they're used to. THAT, people, is what you call religious devotion! If I were born a Jew...oh boy, let's not even go down that path. (Now I know why Allison (Jewish) is dating Joe (Italian), but I'm still trying to figure out why Joe is dating Allison - no offense you two) Like I understand the whole bless the food deal but I never realize that when you bless it, you also forbid that piece of meat to ever have taste, EVER! So be warned, if you're not kosher Jewish, stay away from kosher food. (You people better appreciate the stuff that I do for you)
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I may suck, but I have SENIORITY!
In the midst of what seems like a airline merger frenzy, much of the talk have been about how the mergers will affect SENIORITY. We've got the Delta employees wonder if any Northworst (I know it's Northwest douchebag, thanks for pointing it out like the dumb kid in the front of the classroom) employees would get seniority over them and the Northworst employees wondering the same thing, "except the exact opposite."
Why are they wondering about this you ask? The reason they are worried about seniority is because seniority determines the amount of perks and benefits they are entitled to. The more seniority you have, the more benefits and perks you get, kind of like in high school where if you're a senior, you get the right to pick on any one that's not. The most senior pilots gets to fly the biggest planes. The least senior pilot gets one of those small tiny planes where he's lucky if the propeller doesn't fall off in midflight (okay, that was a stretch but you get the idea). If you're a senior flight att...stewardess, you get to serve first class and work the NYC-London route. And if you're the least senior stewardess, you're dealing with the crying babies in subeconomy on your way to middle-of-nowhere, Alaska.
Why is this grinding my gears you ask? Well, it has to do with unions and everything that is unamerican about it! There is zero meritocracy here. You can be lazy and rude but if you have seniority, you're the #1 worker. I'm willing to bet in fact that the most senior stewardess at all the airlines are also the laziest, rudest, and ugliest stewardness because when they retain #1, they can really let themselves go because they don't have to really work any more.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting in subeconomy next to the fattest man on earth and all the stewardless can say to me is "sorry, you'd have to pay extra to sit in 'economy plus' even though 90% of those seats are empty." With that said, I'd like to be the one that calls them in to the office to inform them they'd been laid off once these mergers go through. In fact, I'd pay the airlines $100 a day to let me do the firings. "Yeaaaa, Jenny...I hate to do this...what the hell am I saying? I can't even keep a straight face, hahahaha. Okay, seriously, the reason I called you in today is to let you know that all the years you put in is worth ZERO with a capital Z. Why? Because...you're fired! Now get the fuck out of my office and take your snotty attitude with you."
In fact, all this has led me to come up with what I'd like to call the "Productiveness/laziness Scale." It ranges from 10 to -10. 10 being the most productive, think the Chinese guy working 12+ hours a day in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant making your general tso's chicken. And yes, -10 would be the laziest (I have to say, you abortion survivors are getting smarter by the minute. If you keep this up, I might have to leave you alone and move on to the incest survivors). So think of the bum without the funny sign sitting on the street somewhere have his "please help" sign asking you for money because he's too lazy to ask for spare change (yes, I hate bums, especially the ones who stanks up a whole train car with his BO on my daily commutes...hmmm, maybe I'll write about this someday). Now, the average person applying for a job requiring union membership would automatically lose 5 points once he/she is offered the job. So the chinese guy would be at 5 should be become a member of say the teamsters. And for every year that he/she stays at that job, it's -1 on the scale. So, chinese guy from the restaurant gets a union job, stays there for 5 years, he'd be at 0 (neither productive nor lazy). So using that scale, feel free to guess where each airline employee you come across would fall. Hint, it won't be a positive number. Go ahead, try it...
In the midst of what seems like a airline merger frenzy, much of the talk have been about how the mergers will affect SENIORITY. We've got the Delta employees wonder if any Northworst (I know it's Northwest douchebag, thanks for pointing it out like the dumb kid in the front of the classroom) employees would get seniority over them and the Northworst employees wondering the same thing, "except the exact opposite."
Why are they wondering about this you ask? The reason they are worried about seniority is because seniority determines the amount of perks and benefits they are entitled to. The more seniority you have, the more benefits and perks you get, kind of like in high school where if you're a senior, you get the right to pick on any one that's not. The most senior pilots gets to fly the biggest planes. The least senior pilot gets one of those small tiny planes where he's lucky if the propeller doesn't fall off in midflight (okay, that was a stretch but you get the idea). If you're a senior flight att...stewardess, you get to serve first class and work the NYC-London route. And if you're the least senior stewardess, you're dealing with the crying babies in subeconomy on your way to middle-of-nowhere, Alaska.
Why is this grinding my gears you ask? Well, it has to do with unions and everything that is unamerican about it! There is zero meritocracy here. You can be lazy and rude but if you have seniority, you're the #1 worker. I'm willing to bet in fact that the most senior stewardess at all the airlines are also the laziest, rudest, and ugliest stewardness because when they retain #1, they can really let themselves go because they don't have to really work any more.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting in subeconomy next to the fattest man on earth and all the stewardless can say to me is "sorry, you'd have to pay extra to sit in 'economy plus' even though 90% of those seats are empty." With that said, I'd like to be the one that calls them in to the office to inform them they'd been laid off once these mergers go through. In fact, I'd pay the airlines $100 a day to let me do the firings. "Yeaaaa, Jenny...I hate to do this...what the hell am I saying? I can't even keep a straight face, hahahaha. Okay, seriously, the reason I called you in today is to let you know that all the years you put in is worth ZERO with a capital Z. Why? Because...you're fired! Now get the fuck out of my office and take your snotty attitude with you."
In fact, all this has led me to come up with what I'd like to call the "Productiveness/laziness Scale." It ranges from 10 to -10. 10 being the most productive, think the Chinese guy working 12+ hours a day in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant making your general tso's chicken. And yes, -10 would be the laziest (I have to say, you abortion survivors are getting smarter by the minute. If you keep this up, I might have to leave you alone and move on to the incest survivors). So think of the bum without the funny sign sitting on the street somewhere have his "please help" sign asking you for money because he's too lazy to ask for spare change (yes, I hate bums, especially the ones who stanks up a whole train car with his BO on my daily commutes...hmmm, maybe I'll write about this someday). Now, the average person applying for a job requiring union membership would automatically lose 5 points once he/she is offered the job. So the chinese guy would be at 5 should be become a member of say the teamsters. And for every year that he/she stays at that job, it's -1 on the scale. So, chinese guy from the restaurant gets a union job, stays there for 5 years, he'd be at 0 (neither productive nor lazy). So using that scale, feel free to guess where each airline employee you come across would fall. Hint, it won't be a positive number. Go ahead, try it...
Saddam Hussein was anything but a monster, really!
Ahhh the sound of ignorance and denial...and plain stupidity! After the NIU shooting this past week, the media caught up with Jessica Baty, the girlfriend of the psycho who went on a shooting spree.
First of all, WHAT THE FUCK? Can you imagine what was going through her head when she decided to date the psycho, continue to date the psycho, sleep with the psycho (yes, fuck the psycho), and live with the psycho? As my friend Evan would say, EWWWWW! Now honestly, would why anyone admit to being the psycho's girlfriend? Is it just me? That's like admitting I slept with Britney Spears after I ruffied her up...while in rehab (not that I have). By the way, I would really like to meet the piece of work who's lucky enough to be the next guy to date this girl.
Now what really grinded my gears is the fact she refused to believe the psycho was in fact evil! Hey bitch, look at the dead bodies and tell their parents the psycho's a great guy. Tell them that "He was probably the nicest, most caring person ever." Go ahead, I dare you! Homestly, I wouldn't blame them if they shoot you in the face if you tell them that. In fact, if I were on the jury after they shoot you, NOT GUILTY will be my verdict and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
Moreover, she saw this coming: she knew he's depressed, she knew he had stopped taking medication, she knew he bought 2 guns ( Sidenote: yea, it's for home protection - 13 guys are going to jack me at home and I need TWO guns to protect meself. Fuck, Tupac didn't need this much protection but you do?!), he told her to "not forget about him", and he said "goodbye" when he never says goodbye (I'm always weary of people that don't say goodbye by the way, like show some respect asshole). Like Puddy (from Seinfeld) would say "all signs points to" PSYCHO!!!
Oh and get this, in a letter to her, the psycho said "You will make an excellent psychologist or social worker someday!" Ummmm...yeaaaaa, about that....how the hell can she be good at that when she can't even keep you from going off the wall? In fact, she should be pre-empted from ever becoming a psychologist or a social worker. Like forget it, not now, not ever. You had your chance and that blew quite a few people away. I don't think I want to risk that again, EVER!
Ahhh the sound of ignorance and denial...and plain stupidity! After the NIU shooting this past week, the media caught up with Jessica Baty, the girlfriend of the psycho who went on a shooting spree.
First of all, WHAT THE FUCK? Can you imagine what was going through her head when she decided to date the psycho, continue to date the psycho, sleep with the psycho (yes, fuck the psycho), and live with the psycho? As my friend Evan would say, EWWWWW! Now honestly, would why anyone admit to being the psycho's girlfriend? Is it just me? That's like admitting I slept with Britney Spears after I ruffied her up...while in rehab (not that I have). By the way, I would really like to meet the piece of work who's lucky enough to be the next guy to date this girl.
Now what really grinded my gears is the fact she refused to believe the psycho was in fact evil! Hey bitch, look at the dead bodies and tell their parents the psycho's a great guy. Tell them that "He was probably the nicest, most caring person ever." Go ahead, I dare you! Homestly, I wouldn't blame them if they shoot you in the face if you tell them that. In fact, if I were on the jury after they shoot you, NOT GUILTY will be my verdict and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.
Moreover, she saw this coming: she knew he's depressed, she knew he had stopped taking medication, she knew he bought 2 guns ( Sidenote: yea, it's for home protection - 13 guys are going to jack me at home and I need TWO guns to protect meself. Fuck, Tupac didn't need this much protection but you do?!), he told her to "not forget about him", and he said "goodbye" when he never says goodbye (I'm always weary of people that don't say goodbye by the way, like show some respect asshole). Like Puddy (from Seinfeld) would say "all signs points to" PSYCHO!!!
Oh and get this, in a letter to her, the psycho said "You will make an excellent psychologist or social worker someday!" Ummmm...yeaaaaa, about that....how the hell can she be good at that when she can't even keep you from going off the wall? In fact, she should be pre-empted from ever becoming a psychologist or a social worker. Like forget it, not now, not ever. You had your chance and that blew quite a few people away. I don't think I want to risk that again, EVER!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Wait!!! That Hamburger you're about to eat have been a victim of animal cruelty!!!
Yes people, the Dept. of Agriculture have recalled 143 million pounds of beef because undercover video have show that the cattle which the meat comes from have been mistreated - crippled cows being pushed with forklift. Moreover, 2 former employees at the Westland/Hallmark Meat Company have been charged with animal cruelty.
Okay, I'm no genius - at least not yet certified as one, but what's the difference here? If I kick a cow a day before it's slaughtered, am I liable for animal cruelty? Or hell, if I go out hunting and only injure a deer and it runs away, is that animal cruelty?
Look, I have 2 dogs and would definitely go apeshit if anyone tried to harm them in any way. But we're talking about cows! Cows that are scheduled to be SLAUGHTERED and end up on my steak egg and cheese bagel (which I might add is muy delicioso), my Blimpie Burger, my prime rib, my flank steak (medium rare) with spinish, or my Porterhouse (again, medium rare) with garlic mashed potatos!!! Do I care if the meat came from a cow that has been "abused?" Clearly the answer is NO as long as it ends up on my bagel, bun, and plate without mad cow disease!
And by the way, who the fuck hired PETA to work at the USDA and the slaughterhouse? I think the first question (even before the name section) on the applications to the two places should be "Are you a member or supporter of PETA?" If yes, straight to the garbage. If no, move on to the name (but if the name sounds Mexican - verify legal status, so you don't get sued). And if hired and later verified to have lied on the PETA answer, branding on the ass!
Yes people, the Dept. of Agriculture have recalled 143 million pounds of beef because undercover video have show that the cattle which the meat comes from have been mistreated - crippled cows being pushed with forklift. Moreover, 2 former employees at the Westland/Hallmark Meat Company have been charged with animal cruelty.
Okay, I'm no genius - at least not yet certified as one, but what's the difference here? If I kick a cow a day before it's slaughtered, am I liable for animal cruelty? Or hell, if I go out hunting and only injure a deer and it runs away, is that animal cruelty?
Look, I have 2 dogs and would definitely go apeshit if anyone tried to harm them in any way. But we're talking about cows! Cows that are scheduled to be SLAUGHTERED and end up on my steak egg and cheese bagel (which I might add is muy delicioso), my Blimpie Burger, my prime rib, my flank steak (medium rare) with spinish, or my Porterhouse (again, medium rare) with garlic mashed potatos!!! Do I care if the meat came from a cow that has been "abused?" Clearly the answer is NO as long as it ends up on my bagel, bun, and plate without mad cow disease!
And by the way, who the fuck hired PETA to work at the USDA and the slaughterhouse? I think the first question (even before the name section) on the applications to the two places should be "Are you a member or supporter of PETA?" If yes, straight to the garbage. If no, move on to the name (but if the name sounds Mexican - verify legal status, so you don't get sued). And if hired and later verified to have lied on the PETA answer, branding on the ass!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Half-Naked Douchebag strikes again!!!
Unfuckingbelievable! The douchebag is now on CNN.com in his latest publicity stunt. He's now suing M&Ms for running a commercial of M&Ms that looks like him! Let's examine this:
Unfuckingbelievable! The douchebag is now on CNN.com in his latest publicity stunt. He's now suing M&Ms for running a commercial of M&Ms that looks like him! Let's examine this:
- They're M&Ms, you're human (biologically speaking at least).
- The M&M is ble, you're...white?
- So every time some actual cowboy in Texas or Montana or etc decides to strip down for a shower, you can sue him?
- And what about those strippers with those nice cowboy uniforms (So I have heard)? Do they owe you money?
- How much money have you made? And you're suing M&Ms for $6 million!? Admit it, your "IDEA" sucks!
- Yea, how is M&Ms making money off you when that billboard just made me NOT buy a pack of M&Ms because of your "likeness?"
- Grow the fuck up and put on a pair of jeans and move your ass back to Ohio! I'll even pay the bus fare.
Friday, November 09, 2007
I'll have the Osso Buco, but hold the meat!
What's really grinding my gears today are the people throwing around terms like "Veggie Ham" or "Veggie Duck" or even worse, "Veggie Pad Thai!" If you've even referred to something as "veggie (anything)," YOU are grinding my gears and you really need to stop it, pronto!
You don't call something "veggie ham" for the same reason you don't call a black guy "black caucasian." Not only is it confusing, it's just plain wrong! First, you're not giving the product its due respect. You love the crap so much that you can't come up with an original name for it? Did the Kleenex people call their product "just paper?" No, they didn't - they took the time to come up with "tissue!" And what about the Apple people? Did they just call their product "generic digital music player?" No, they didn't - they took the time to come up with "iPod!" You people disgusts me with your lack of respect and laziness. You should be the posterchild for the pro-abortion campaign!
Secondly, not only are you lazy, you're also stupid! Think about it - how can you call something ham when it doesn't contain a single pig body part? Does "veggie duck" contain any duck parts? NO, IT DOESN'T! Only a retard could ever come to that. Are you a retard? Are you sure? You do awfully sound like a retard if you can't differenciate vegetables from meat.
And let's not forget this last point: you are all hypocrites. You all think you're so high and mighty with you "I'm a vegetarian and I'm better than you" shit and yet you have the need to call your food "ham" and "duck" and etc. What the fuck is that shit? That's like some pro-life fuck that refuses to pay child support (or on the flip side, some woman who had an abortion demanding child support for the aborted fetus). It's fucked up!!! Serious, go eat salad and stop giving other people shit for eating meat. Meat is good and you know you want some too! Excuse me, I need to finish my chicken and rice!
What's really grinding my gears today are the people throwing around terms like "Veggie Ham" or "Veggie Duck" or even worse, "Veggie Pad Thai!" If you've even referred to something as "veggie (anything)," YOU are grinding my gears and you really need to stop it, pronto!
You don't call something "veggie ham" for the same reason you don't call a black guy "black caucasian." Not only is it confusing, it's just plain wrong! First, you're not giving the product its due respect. You love the crap so much that you can't come up with an original name for it? Did the Kleenex people call their product "just paper?" No, they didn't - they took the time to come up with "tissue!" And what about the Apple people? Did they just call their product "generic digital music player?" No, they didn't - they took the time to come up with "iPod!" You people disgusts me with your lack of respect and laziness. You should be the posterchild for the pro-abortion campaign!
Secondly, not only are you lazy, you're also stupid! Think about it - how can you call something ham when it doesn't contain a single pig body part? Does "veggie duck" contain any duck parts? NO, IT DOESN'T! Only a retard could ever come to that. Are you a retard? Are you sure? You do awfully sound like a retard if you can't differenciate vegetables from meat.
And let's not forget this last point: you are all hypocrites. You all think you're so high and mighty with you "I'm a vegetarian and I'm better than you" shit and yet you have the need to call your food "ham" and "duck" and etc. What the fuck is that shit? That's like some pro-life fuck that refuses to pay child support (or on the flip side, some woman who had an abortion demanding child support for the aborted fetus). It's fucked up!!! Serious, go eat salad and stop giving other people shit for eating meat. Meat is good and you know you want some too! Excuse me, I need to finish my chicken and rice!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
MEDIA - I just don't know what's real anymore!!!
So I opened the NY Post one day and there was a story about a bunch a lawyers in Pakistan protesting. At first, I was pretty damn surprised - I mean, LAWYERS PROTESTING? When the hell have we seen that before - NEVER! I'm sure there have been lawyers protesting before but NEVER in a group only consisting of lawyers. I was puzzled.
And the story goes on...apparently, they were beaten by police - so stated the story and pretty much every news outlet. They post pictures of these "lawyers" all wearing black suits, white shirts, and solid ties. Apparently, these lawyers are very detailed oriented as they even planned out the dress code for the protest. I don't know about you but if I were protesting something, I wouldn't be wearing a suit for several reasons: it's too hard to move around in a suit (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), if some shit goes down - the suit's probably ruined (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), if I get thrown in jail - I wouldn't want to be in a suit (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), and frankly, I can think up thousands of reason why NOT to go protesting in a suit (again, point of all this: I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers). Now the thing that puzzles me the most is this: of all the pictures in the papers, YouTube, news websites and TVs, I haven't seen one image (NOT A SINGLE ONE) where one of those supposedly "lawyers" were getting beat by an Indian (oh, I'm sorry - Pakistan (although they DO look the same)) police.
As a lawyer myself, I need evidence here. Where is the evidence that these are lawyers (did they check their business cards?) and that they were beaten by police? Some of you might point to images of these "lawyers" getting kicked and dragged through the streets and etc. But from what I saw, the people doing the kicking and dragging are not wearing their uniforms (if they happen to be the police). They were wearing the typical Arabic (Indian? Pakistani? Bangledeshi?) garb and I doubt anyone asked one of them if they are the police. And if they did and got an affirmative answer, I'd like to see the quote, fast! But no, most of these media outlet just states them as "plainclothed police" but offered no explanation about how they came to that conclusion. Okay, that's some piece of journalist masterpiece there. Maybe the next time I get mugged in Penn Station (story another day), I'll claim I was mugged by a plainclothed NYPD bacon. If asked how I know that was a cop, my answer will be "who else could that be? He was plainclothed, he must be a cop!" (It's a he because there's no way I'd get mugged by a woman, NO FUCKING WAY!!!)
So now I'm really skeptical about everything that I know. Did we really land on the moon? Did that stupid kid really start the forest fire in California (that reminds me, someone needs to fire Smokey the Bear who obviously isn't doing his job)? Did the Halocaust really happen? Okay, that might be going to far but you get my point: HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT IN THE NEWS IS REAL!? Are the media creating the news as opposed to reporting the news now? How do I know if the images are from a riot and not from a protest (riots and protests are pretty close if you ask me)?
So I opened the NY Post one day and there was a story about a bunch a lawyers in Pakistan protesting. At first, I was pretty damn surprised - I mean, LAWYERS PROTESTING? When the hell have we seen that before - NEVER! I'm sure there have been lawyers protesting before but NEVER in a group only consisting of lawyers. I was puzzled.
And the story goes on...apparently, they were beaten by police - so stated the story and pretty much every news outlet. They post pictures of these "lawyers" all wearing black suits, white shirts, and solid ties. Apparently, these lawyers are very detailed oriented as they even planned out the dress code for the protest. I don't know about you but if I were protesting something, I wouldn't be wearing a suit for several reasons: it's too hard to move around in a suit (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), if some shit goes down - the suit's probably ruined (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), if I get thrown in jail - I wouldn't want to be in a suit (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), and frankly, I can think up thousands of reason why NOT to go protesting in a suit (again, point of all this: I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers). Now the thing that puzzles me the most is this: of all the pictures in the papers, YouTube, news websites and TVs, I haven't seen one image (NOT A SINGLE ONE) where one of those supposedly "lawyers" were getting beat by an Indian (oh, I'm sorry - Pakistan (although they DO look the same)) police.
As a lawyer myself, I need evidence here. Where is the evidence that these are lawyers (did they check their business cards?) and that they were beaten by police? Some of you might point to images of these "lawyers" getting kicked and dragged through the streets and etc. But from what I saw, the people doing the kicking and dragging are not wearing their uniforms (if they happen to be the police). They were wearing the typical Arabic (Indian? Pakistani? Bangledeshi?) garb and I doubt anyone asked one of them if they are the police. And if they did and got an affirmative answer, I'd like to see the quote, fast! But no, most of these media outlet just states them as "plainclothed police" but offered no explanation about how they came to that conclusion. Okay, that's some piece of journalist masterpiece there. Maybe the next time I get mugged in Penn Station (story another day), I'll claim I was mugged by a plainclothed NYPD bacon. If asked how I know that was a cop, my answer will be "who else could that be? He was plainclothed, he must be a cop!" (It's a he because there's no way I'd get mugged by a woman, NO FUCKING WAY!!!)
So now I'm really skeptical about everything that I know. Did we really land on the moon? Did that stupid kid really start the forest fire in California (that reminds me, someone needs to fire Smokey the Bear who obviously isn't doing his job)? Did the Halocaust really happen? Okay, that might be going to far but you get my point: HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT IN THE NEWS IS REAL!? Are the media creating the news as opposed to reporting the news now? How do I know if the images are from a riot and not from a protest (riots and protests are pretty close if you ask me)?
Thursday, December 21, 2006
I JUST DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT
So I was once again reading the Post on my way into work this morning when the following headline caught my eye: "Hubby Busted in 'Slay Belle' Plot."
The first thought that came to my mind was that whore of a wife he mistakenly married must be a piece of work, CLEARLY. And before you know it, you kind of understand why she's a piece of work as you read on. Apparently, after the cops nabbed the groom (who somehow hired the hitman that just happens to be an undercover cop), they told the wife that she might be swimming with the fish(es) before Christmas had her stupid hubby not found the hitman in a classified ad (probably in the Post). Her reply was: "I don't believe anything they say because I believe my husband." Yea, the same husband that tried to get you whacked. I don't know about you readers out there but I'm definitely thinking the cops botched this one. Do we really need people like this living amongst us? I can't believe there are people this stupid living amongst us. I just don't fucking believe it. Yea bitch, the cops in Nassau, as a part of their traditional Christmas prank, always try to set some guy up for the attempted murder of his wife.
And now let's focus our attention on the good ol hubby. What the hell was this guy thinking? He's got a goldmine here! I mean think about it, this woman he married won't believe he'll ever do any wrong even when presented evidence that he tried to get her whacked in order to collect on the $1 mil life insurance policy. Seriously, that's like a license to cheat. You got to, GOT TO, cash that in.
"Hon, I swear I never touched that bitch!"
"How silly of me, of course you wouldn't."
"You husband gave me herpes."
"My husband would never cheat on me."
"Hon, what are you doing home? I swear, It's not what it looks like."
"Of course, there's got to be an reason why you are naked with a strange woman in our bed that doesn't involve you cheating on me. Let's think of it together."
Seriously, how can you try to whack a wife like that!? What is wrong with this guy? Worse yet, he first tried asking his friend to do it for him. That friend went to the cops. Sidebar, what kind of a friend is that!? Then the cops set up the sting where the undercover cop was given a $2500 deposit that would eventually turn into $200,000 after the life insurance payout. Apparently, this guy was so sick that he ordered the undercover cop to stab her in the heart before Christmas so he could enjoy the holidays. That people, is what true love is. Even sicker, the guy actually brought his 3-year-old son to meet the hitman. "Son, I want you to meet the guy that would make you a motherless child." Who does shit like that!?
Lastly, I think they should let the guy off. Hear me out on this. As his punishment, he would then agree to have a reality show where the America public would see every aspect of their everyday life after this ordeal. Now that's something I'd pay to see.
Well, that's it. Until next time...
So I was once again reading the Post on my way into work this morning when the following headline caught my eye: "Hubby Busted in 'Slay Belle' Plot."
The first thought that came to my mind was that whore of a wife he mistakenly married must be a piece of work, CLEARLY. And before you know it, you kind of understand why she's a piece of work as you read on. Apparently, after the cops nabbed the groom (who somehow hired the hitman that just happens to be an undercover cop), they told the wife that she might be swimming with the fish(es) before Christmas had her stupid hubby not found the hitman in a classified ad (probably in the Post). Her reply was: "I don't believe anything they say because I believe my husband." Yea, the same husband that tried to get you whacked. I don't know about you readers out there but I'm definitely thinking the cops botched this one. Do we really need people like this living amongst us? I can't believe there are people this stupid living amongst us. I just don't fucking believe it. Yea bitch, the cops in Nassau, as a part of their traditional Christmas prank, always try to set some guy up for the attempted murder of his wife.
And now let's focus our attention on the good ol hubby. What the hell was this guy thinking? He's got a goldmine here! I mean think about it, this woman he married won't believe he'll ever do any wrong even when presented evidence that he tried to get her whacked in order to collect on the $1 mil life insurance policy. Seriously, that's like a license to cheat. You got to, GOT TO, cash that in.
"Hon, I swear I never touched that bitch!"
"How silly of me, of course you wouldn't."
"You husband gave me herpes."
"My husband would never cheat on me."
"Hon, what are you doing home? I swear, It's not what it looks like."
"Of course, there's got to be an reason why you are naked with a strange woman in our bed that doesn't involve you cheating on me. Let's think of it together."
Seriously, how can you try to whack a wife like that!? What is wrong with this guy? Worse yet, he first tried asking his friend to do it for him. That friend went to the cops. Sidebar, what kind of a friend is that!? Then the cops set up the sting where the undercover cop was given a $2500 deposit that would eventually turn into $200,000 after the life insurance payout. Apparently, this guy was so sick that he ordered the undercover cop to stab her in the heart before Christmas so he could enjoy the holidays. That people, is what true love is. Even sicker, the guy actually brought his 3-year-old son to meet the hitman. "Son, I want you to meet the guy that would make you a motherless child." Who does shit like that!?
Lastly, I think they should let the guy off. Hear me out on this. As his punishment, he would then agree to have a reality show where the America public would see every aspect of their everyday life after this ordeal. Now that's something I'd pay to see.
Well, that's it. Until next time...
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
After a long break from blogging due to better things than sitting at a computer and blogging, I'm back.
I was pestered recently with a string of "save the animals" emails. I got all these pictures of baby seals, foxes, etc. First thought that came to my mind was...damn, those furs would feel sooooo good!!! That was followed by a quick reply all email with the words "FUCK YOU, I LIKE FUR!" in it.
I can't believe the money and effort people are spending to "save" these animals. Afterall, they are just that, ANIMALS. I can think of plenty of things off the top of my head that the money and effort could be better spent on: weed, Iraq, Welfare (don't even get me started on that), raising your damn kids the right way (see previous blogs on hippies and shitheads), boob jobs, face jobs, homeless, schools, and the list goes on.
I can't think of one thing seals are good for besides for being in zoos to entertain humans and yes, FUR! Foxes, same thing. Unlike trees (and I also hate treehuggers), they contribute nothing!!! Seriously, how different would your life be if we didn't have seals or foxes? Yea, exactly!
Moreover, I'm also thinking that a majority of these people owns at least one pair of leather shoes! You know where leather comes from? COWS! You know what that makes those people? Hypocrites! Fucking assholes are telling me not to do soething that they themselves already have done. The nerves of those people!
If anything, the only thing that should be complaining about the loss of seals is Shamu and its fellow killer whales (orcas for you softies). And hell, I haven't heard a peep out of them. Until then, then humans should shut the fuck up! You can do your part by not buying any but don't give me shit for what I choose to do with my money! Fuck you!
I was pestered recently with a string of "save the animals" emails. I got all these pictures of baby seals, foxes, etc. First thought that came to my mind was...damn, those furs would feel sooooo good!!! That was followed by a quick reply all email with the words "FUCK YOU, I LIKE FUR!" in it.
I can't believe the money and effort people are spending to "save" these animals. Afterall, they are just that, ANIMALS. I can think of plenty of things off the top of my head that the money and effort could be better spent on: weed, Iraq, Welfare (don't even get me started on that), raising your damn kids the right way (see previous blogs on hippies and shitheads), boob jobs, face jobs, homeless, schools, and the list goes on.
I can't think of one thing seals are good for besides for being in zoos to entertain humans and yes, FUR! Foxes, same thing. Unlike trees (and I also hate treehuggers), they contribute nothing!!! Seriously, how different would your life be if we didn't have seals or foxes? Yea, exactly!
Moreover, I'm also thinking that a majority of these people owns at least one pair of leather shoes! You know where leather comes from? COWS! You know what that makes those people? Hypocrites! Fucking assholes are telling me not to do soething that they themselves already have done. The nerves of those people!
If anything, the only thing that should be complaining about the loss of seals is Shamu and its fellow killer whales (orcas for you softies). And hell, I haven't heard a peep out of them. Until then, then humans should shut the fuck up! You can do your part by not buying any but don't give me shit for what I choose to do with my money! Fuck you!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
BBBBBBBBBBBOOBS!
Here in New York, you'll see people on the subway doing tons of things that you wouldn't expect people to do on their commute elsewhere. This is what I like about New York, not one minute goes to waste. Everything is so fast paced that people will literally use every minute the have available. You'll see people reading their morning paper (I go through the Post and half of the Daily on my commute everyday), watching the episode of Lost that they missed last night on their Ipod, studying for that exam they are on their way to take, finishing up that report for the boss that they didn't finish last night because they were out with the friends, applying makeup so they do look like shit for the harassing firm partner (am I the only one to find this talent amazing?), and yes, even BREAST FEEDING their baby!
That is what I saw this morning on my way in to work (yes, I work on Sundays!) on the N train. This lady was sitting on the train with her kids (and her husband). One minute I was reading about Moises Alou (the douchebag that went apeshit at Wrigley Field because he can't take the ball away from Steve Bartman) is bitching about how no one is pitching to Barry Bonds. The next minute, I'm getting a free tittie show right in front of me! Normally, I would have no problems whatsoever with this. However, this one just grinds me the wrong way for several reasons.
Reason 1 - her kids were there. And I'm not talking about the one getting the nipple. I'm talking about the 4 other kids of hers. They were ranged anywhere from 3 to 8 years old. No 8 year-olds should still be seeing thier mom's boobies. I repeat, if you're 7 or older, you should not be seeing your mom's tits. Otherwise, before you know it, you're in the incest pool and that ain't cool even if you're from West Virginia (this is by no means saying all people in West Virginia are product of incest, don't put words in my mouth).
Reason 2 - her husband was right there. Maybe this guy gets off on everyone on the 5th car of the N train getting a peak of his wife's tit but that doesn't make it right. It's so wrong in so many different ways and if you need me to spell it for you, you've got problems - seek help immediately.
Reason 3 - nobody wants to see some almost 50 year-old tits. Now I'm not saying that I'm a boob expert (far from actually) or that I stared at it for a while, but those tits do not look like it's been worked on. After 5 kids and without plastic surgery, you can imagine what it would look like if you saw it. And lets just say it's not one of the better tits I've ever seen.
Reason 4 - it's in public. Last time I checked, public exposure is a misdemeanor in the state of New York. If a guy can't expose himself in public, a woman should not be able to either (as much as we would like that). It's the 21st century people and we're all about equal rights here.
I'm sure there are more reasons but frankly, I can't think anymore and if these 4 reasons can't convince you, you can't be convinced. In hindsight, I probably should have said something back there. At the very least, I should have given her a $1. Even if it's bad tits, she should still get money for it. (sidebar time) Come to think of it, maybe that's why I don't see too many women bums here in NY. All they had to do is show some tits to get a dollar. Unlike female bums, male bums need good attitudes and a funny sigsn to get some money. That's why I don't give female bums money, they shouldn't be a bum if they have tits. If they have tits and they're bums, they're obviously not using all their resources. If they're not using all their resources, they're not desparate for a $1. And frankly, that is a dis-service to the bum profession just like kickers are to pro football players.
And that my friends is what grinds my gears today. Until next time, try not to become a bum or show your tits in public without getting at least a $1 back.
Here in New York, you'll see people on the subway doing tons of things that you wouldn't expect people to do on their commute elsewhere. This is what I like about New York, not one minute goes to waste. Everything is so fast paced that people will literally use every minute the have available. You'll see people reading their morning paper (I go through the Post and half of the Daily on my commute everyday), watching the episode of Lost that they missed last night on their Ipod, studying for that exam they are on their way to take, finishing up that report for the boss that they didn't finish last night because they were out with the friends, applying makeup so they do look like shit for the harassing firm partner (am I the only one to find this talent amazing?), and yes, even BREAST FEEDING their baby!
That is what I saw this morning on my way in to work (yes, I work on Sundays!) on the N train. This lady was sitting on the train with her kids (and her husband). One minute I was reading about Moises Alou (the douchebag that went apeshit at Wrigley Field because he can't take the ball away from Steve Bartman) is bitching about how no one is pitching to Barry Bonds. The next minute, I'm getting a free tittie show right in front of me! Normally, I would have no problems whatsoever with this. However, this one just grinds me the wrong way for several reasons.
Reason 1 - her kids were there. And I'm not talking about the one getting the nipple. I'm talking about the 4 other kids of hers. They were ranged anywhere from 3 to 8 years old. No 8 year-olds should still be seeing thier mom's boobies. I repeat, if you're 7 or older, you should not be seeing your mom's tits. Otherwise, before you know it, you're in the incest pool and that ain't cool even if you're from West Virginia (this is by no means saying all people in West Virginia are product of incest, don't put words in my mouth).
Reason 2 - her husband was right there. Maybe this guy gets off on everyone on the 5th car of the N train getting a peak of his wife's tit but that doesn't make it right. It's so wrong in so many different ways and if you need me to spell it for you, you've got problems - seek help immediately.
Reason 3 - nobody wants to see some almost 50 year-old tits. Now I'm not saying that I'm a boob expert (far from actually) or that I stared at it for a while, but those tits do not look like it's been worked on. After 5 kids and without plastic surgery, you can imagine what it would look like if you saw it. And lets just say it's not one of the better tits I've ever seen.
Reason 4 - it's in public. Last time I checked, public exposure is a misdemeanor in the state of New York. If a guy can't expose himself in public, a woman should not be able to either (as much as we would like that). It's the 21st century people and we're all about equal rights here.
I'm sure there are more reasons but frankly, I can't think anymore and if these 4 reasons can't convince you, you can't be convinced. In hindsight, I probably should have said something back there. At the very least, I should have given her a $1. Even if it's bad tits, she should still get money for it. (sidebar time) Come to think of it, maybe that's why I don't see too many women bums here in NY. All they had to do is show some tits to get a dollar. Unlike female bums, male bums need good attitudes and a funny sigsn to get some money. That's why I don't give female bums money, they shouldn't be a bum if they have tits. If they have tits and they're bums, they're obviously not using all their resources. If they're not using all their resources, they're not desparate for a $1. And frankly, that is a dis-service to the bum profession just like kickers are to pro football players.
And that my friends is what grinds my gears today. Until next time, try not to become a bum or show your tits in public without getting at least a $1 back.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Oh say can you VEA!?
Yea, imagine my surprise, disgust, shock, anger...when I first heard of this. If case, this is news to you, let me fill you in. Some douchebag (Adam Kidron - if anyone has his address, please pass along so I can go kick the living shit out of this guy) from England (I think the term is...wanker) have came upon a new way to make money of Spanish speaking people (hispanics). He's selling a music album for $10. On that album is the single "Nuestro Himno" which translates to "Our Anthem." It's a Spanish version of the STAR-SPANGLED BANNER! YEA, WHAT THE FUCK!?
WHAT REASON COULD WE HAVE FOR THIS!? according to the wanker, douchebag, asshole, (input your term here)...the song would allow immigrants who haven't yet learned English "to fully understand the character of the Star-Spangled Banner, the American flag and the ideals of freedom that they represent." FUCK YOU! If you're an immigrant, you should already know about what this country represent. Otherwise, you wouldn't be coming here legally and illegally, you'd be going to CUBA! Spare me (and the rest of the intelligent Americans) the bullshit. I know bullshit when I see one and this is definitely bullshit!!!
I agree with G.W. Bush, the National Anthem should be sung in English! People who want to be Americans ought to learn English and sing the National Anthem in English! And I just realized anthoer thing, how many times have you heard some immigrant telling you that they wish to be able to sing the National Anthem because they love this country? NONE! No immigrants wants to sing the National Anthem just for the hell of it. I know this because I was an immigrant myself and you know when was the first time I want to sing the National Anthem - when I was watching the Super Bowl!!! I only want to do it because it would mean a free trip to the Super Bowl. I can't imagine they have you sing it and then say "you gotta leave the stadium now."
What angers me even more is that the Spanish version has different wording from the one and only Star-Spangled Banner. Like what the fuck, are these fucker so incompetent that they not only can't write any new songs but also fuck up redoing old songs? The nuevo song goes like this when translated to English:
The day is breaking, do you see it?
In the light of dawn?
What we so acclaimed at nightfall?
Its stars, its stripes, flew yesterday
In the fierce battle in a sign of victory,
The glow of battle, in step with liberty
at night they said: "it's being defended."
Oh say!
The voice of your starry beauty is still unfolding
Over the land of the free
The sacred flag
Its stars, its stripes,
Freedom, we are equal
We are brothers, in our anthem.
In the fierce battle in a sign of victory,
The glow of battle, in step with liberty
My people keep fighting
It's time to break the chains
at night they said: "it's being defended."
Oh say!
The voice of your starry beauty is still unfolding!
YEA, WHAT THE FUCK!? The is the most fucked up thing ever. It's not even like the Star-Spangled Banner much less a version of it! I don't recall Francis Scott Key ever writing "it's being defended." Who the fuck are the dumb wanker quoting? Key didn't say it, I didn't say it, you didn't say it, who the fuck said it? Just for that, this stupid fucker should be deported back to where he came from! If that happens, I wouldn't doubt that he'd re-write the British National Anthem in...French!
The Star-Spangled Banner is the Star-Spangled Banner. There are no two ways about it. The Hispanics of this country do not need their own anthem because they already have one, it's called the Star-Spangled Banner!
Oh, and that reminds me, if anyone is ever invited to sing the National Anthem anywhere, PLEASE DO NOT DO YOUR OWN RENDITION OF IT!!! Sing it like it is and don't try to put your own twist on it like douchebag celebrities. No one likes it!
Yea, imagine my surprise, disgust, shock, anger...when I first heard of this. If case, this is news to you, let me fill you in. Some douchebag (Adam Kidron - if anyone has his address, please pass along so I can go kick the living shit out of this guy) from England (I think the term is...wanker) have came upon a new way to make money of Spanish speaking people (hispanics). He's selling a music album for $10. On that album is the single "Nuestro Himno" which translates to "Our Anthem." It's a Spanish version of the STAR-SPANGLED BANNER! YEA, WHAT THE FUCK!?
WHAT REASON COULD WE HAVE FOR THIS!? according to the wanker, douchebag, asshole, (input your term here)...the song would allow immigrants who haven't yet learned English "to fully understand the character of the Star-Spangled Banner, the American flag and the ideals of freedom that they represent." FUCK YOU! If you're an immigrant, you should already know about what this country represent. Otherwise, you wouldn't be coming here legally and illegally, you'd be going to CUBA! Spare me (and the rest of the intelligent Americans) the bullshit. I know bullshit when I see one and this is definitely bullshit!!!
I agree with G.W. Bush, the National Anthem should be sung in English! People who want to be Americans ought to learn English and sing the National Anthem in English! And I just realized anthoer thing, how many times have you heard some immigrant telling you that they wish to be able to sing the National Anthem because they love this country? NONE! No immigrants wants to sing the National Anthem just for the hell of it. I know this because I was an immigrant myself and you know when was the first time I want to sing the National Anthem - when I was watching the Super Bowl!!! I only want to do it because it would mean a free trip to the Super Bowl. I can't imagine they have you sing it and then say "you gotta leave the stadium now."
What angers me even more is that the Spanish version has different wording from the one and only Star-Spangled Banner. Like what the fuck, are these fucker so incompetent that they not only can't write any new songs but also fuck up redoing old songs? The nuevo song goes like this when translated to English:
The day is breaking, do you see it?
In the light of dawn?
What we so acclaimed at nightfall?
Its stars, its stripes, flew yesterday
In the fierce battle in a sign of victory,
The glow of battle, in step with liberty
at night they said: "it's being defended."
Oh say!
The voice of your starry beauty is still unfolding
Over the land of the free
The sacred flag
Its stars, its stripes,
Freedom, we are equal
We are brothers, in our anthem.
In the fierce battle in a sign of victory,
The glow of battle, in step with liberty
My people keep fighting
It's time to break the chains
at night they said: "it's being defended."
Oh say!
The voice of your starry beauty is still unfolding!
YEA, WHAT THE FUCK!? The is the most fucked up thing ever. It's not even like the Star-Spangled Banner much less a version of it! I don't recall Francis Scott Key ever writing "it's being defended." Who the fuck are the dumb wanker quoting? Key didn't say it, I didn't say it, you didn't say it, who the fuck said it? Just for that, this stupid fucker should be deported back to where he came from! If that happens, I wouldn't doubt that he'd re-write the British National Anthem in...French!
The Star-Spangled Banner is the Star-Spangled Banner. There are no two ways about it. The Hispanics of this country do not need their own anthem because they already have one, it's called the Star-Spangled Banner!
Oh, and that reminds me, if anyone is ever invited to sing the National Anthem anywhere, PLEASE DO NOT DO YOUR OWN RENDITION OF IT!!! Sing it like it is and don't try to put your own twist on it like douchebag celebrities. No one likes it!
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
RANDOM GRUMBLINGS FROM BROOKLYN
Okay, I apologize for the lack of new posts. Frankly, I've been too busy watching the Mets now that baseball season is under way. If that's not sitting well with you, you're shit out of luck. I'm all you got and there's nothing you could do about it.
I'm thinking of starting a new periodic format called random grumblings. It has come to my attention that there are just days where I don't have a major grinder that would take up a whole entry. However, I get tons of minor grumblings. Therefore, I think I can stack a ton of minor grumblings into one entry if I don't have any major grinders. So here goes:
I think there needs to be a law that requires people (with the exception of bums because they can't help but smell bad) to shower if they want to ride the subway during rush hours. There's nothing worse than a hippie wannabe stanking it up standing next to you on a packed N train 8:15 in the morning. You wanna be a hippie, move the fuck to Vermont! Ben and Jerry might condone that shit but those two fuck don't ride the subway, I do!
We need to get rid of the law preventing parents from beating their kids. Now I'm not condoning child abuse, not in a million years. The simple truth is that some kids need their ass beat for their own good. I just read in the paper a few days ago that 5 kids ranging from 15 to 13 was charged with second degree murder when they tried to beat down a college kid in order to rob him. The college kid tried to run away but found the front end of a Mercedes Benz instead and is now dead. What the fuck is wrong with this world when 13 year old are robbing people on a busy street? Let's ask one of the kids' uncle why his nephew was trying to rob someone..."he's just hanging out with the wrong crowd. He was just trying to impress them." Beautifully said uncle, you deserve an award. I don't know about you but in my days, you impress people by doing stupid shit like letting someone punch you and not flinch. This kid obviously wasn't beat by his parents. Had he been beat, he wouldn't have done what he did. My dad used to beat me whenever I fuck up back in the day and I turned out okay, mostly. It can't be that bad!
Call me out of date but I was just informed by a co-worker (an avid Page 6 reader) of what the beef is between Lindsey Lohan and Hillary Duff: Aaron Carter! WHO? Seriously, two celebrity teenie boppers fighting over the younger brother of an unknown member of the Backstreet Boys (so I was informed)! That's like the mafia having a vendetta against me because I stole their a finger off their most recent hit. Who gives a shit? Worse off, the two teenage cunts do fight it out. Instead, they call each other whores and refuse to go to the same party. Seriously, if you hate one another, call up Tonya Harding and ask her for advice. Just get it over with already. There's nothing worse than a chick feud. At least with Rap feuds you get a win win situation because someone gonna get shot and it's not you...unless you're a bodyguard in which case, can I have your gold chain when you die?
Speaking of gold chains, what is up with men wearing necklaces? I guess it's okay for a gay guy because they got some girl in them. But a straight guy? Come on! That's not manly, unless your name is Mr. T. In that case, you can do anything you want and pity any fool you desire. For the rest of you, get a fucking pedicure to go along with your necklace. And you might as well as cut off your balls while you're at it!
Okay, I apologize for the lack of new posts. Frankly, I've been too busy watching the Mets now that baseball season is under way. If that's not sitting well with you, you're shit out of luck. I'm all you got and there's nothing you could do about it.
I'm thinking of starting a new periodic format called random grumblings. It has come to my attention that there are just days where I don't have a major grinder that would take up a whole entry. However, I get tons of minor grumblings. Therefore, I think I can stack a ton of minor grumblings into one entry if I don't have any major grinders. So here goes:
I think there needs to be a law that requires people (with the exception of bums because they can't help but smell bad) to shower if they want to ride the subway during rush hours. There's nothing worse than a hippie wannabe stanking it up standing next to you on a packed N train 8:15 in the morning. You wanna be a hippie, move the fuck to Vermont! Ben and Jerry might condone that shit but those two fuck don't ride the subway, I do!
We need to get rid of the law preventing parents from beating their kids. Now I'm not condoning child abuse, not in a million years. The simple truth is that some kids need their ass beat for their own good. I just read in the paper a few days ago that 5 kids ranging from 15 to 13 was charged with second degree murder when they tried to beat down a college kid in order to rob him. The college kid tried to run away but found the front end of a Mercedes Benz instead and is now dead. What the fuck is wrong with this world when 13 year old are robbing people on a busy street? Let's ask one of the kids' uncle why his nephew was trying to rob someone..."he's just hanging out with the wrong crowd. He was just trying to impress them." Beautifully said uncle, you deserve an award. I don't know about you but in my days, you impress people by doing stupid shit like letting someone punch you and not flinch. This kid obviously wasn't beat by his parents. Had he been beat, he wouldn't have done what he did. My dad used to beat me whenever I fuck up back in the day and I turned out okay, mostly. It can't be that bad!
Call me out of date but I was just informed by a co-worker (an avid Page 6 reader) of what the beef is between Lindsey Lohan and Hillary Duff: Aaron Carter! WHO? Seriously, two celebrity teenie boppers fighting over the younger brother of an unknown member of the Backstreet Boys (so I was informed)! That's like the mafia having a vendetta against me because I stole their a finger off their most recent hit. Who gives a shit? Worse off, the two teenage cunts do fight it out. Instead, they call each other whores and refuse to go to the same party. Seriously, if you hate one another, call up Tonya Harding and ask her for advice. Just get it over with already. There's nothing worse than a chick feud. At least with Rap feuds you get a win win situation because someone gonna get shot and it's not you...unless you're a bodyguard in which case, can I have your gold chain when you die?
Speaking of gold chains, what is up with men wearing necklaces? I guess it's okay for a gay guy because they got some girl in them. But a straight guy? Come on! That's not manly, unless your name is Mr. T. In that case, you can do anything you want and pity any fool you desire. For the rest of you, get a fucking pedicure to go along with your necklace. And you might as well as cut off your balls while you're at it!
Friday, March 31, 2006
PAY ME $400 AND YOU CAN ADOPT MY DOG
Yes, I'm back. As much as I hate to leave you hanging, I do enjoy putting in the extra hours at work for some extra pay (lap dances don't pay for itself unless you're Anna Benson).
I have a dog. Named him Kosmo after Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld but with a K because my name starts with a K. He's a shih-tsu and he's from a breeder. I like my pets pure-bred. I'm pure bred. I can't see why anyone would have a problem with that until I looked on craigslist. When the hell did craigslist become PETA??? Apparently, according to many of the people who use craigslist, I'm killing dogs left and right simply because I chose to buy a dog from a breeder rather than "adopt" a dog from a shelter. Hmmmm...that is genius! It's almost as genius as blaming me for the cheap prices at Wal-mart simply because I shop there.
"What about saving a life? People like you keep the back yard breeders in business." said some douchebag on craigslist. Here's my answer: FUCK YOU! First of all, why don't you try adopting 6 dogs first before calling me out? This is a person who claimed to have adopted a cat. A FUCKING CAT! A cat that don't need to be walked, cleaned after, and etc. Getting a cat instead of a dog is like taking study hall instead of calculus in high school. It's a cop out! Adopt a dog first and then we'll talk.
Secondly, my dog comes from a respected breeder with credentials. It didn't come from a puppy mill. And even if it did, how am I not saving a life of a dog by getting him instead of some mutt at the shelter? What do you think happens to a puppy mill puppy when it's not getting sold? If you ask me, the difference between the two is the same as the difference between a $100 ho and a drunk whore you pick up at the bar. In the end, you're spending $100 for the lay regardless of which one you get. The only difference is with the ho, you're not getting puked on and she leaves after the lay. Moreover, I doubt some "backyard breeder" would stop breeding dogs simply because I adopt a dog.
Thirdly, why the hell would I "adopt" a dog when I have to pay all these fees that comes pretty close to what a pure-bred dog costs from a breeder? It's stupidity. Think about it this way: do you go to a steakhouse and choose the rump over the porterhouse simply because the $40 rump is $1 cheaper? I think not. If you adopt a mutt over the golden retreiver that you've always wanted for about the same price, whouldn't you regret it? You'd have to look at that mutt everyday for the next...(and another thing, if you adopt a mutt, you have no clue when the dog was born, would you like a child with no birthday for 1% off your hospital bill? I think not!) however many years and you'll be wishing it was a retreiver every single minute of it.
Bottomline, some people needs to leave me the fuck alone and not tell me how to live my life. I don't need some UAW worker bitching at me for buying a better-built BMW over a Ford Focus. I don't need the chef of an Italian Restaurant bitching at me for wanting Sushi. And I certainly don't need some douchebag cat fancier who isn't doing anything to save the life of a dog to tell me how to get MY pet! So if anyone ever give you shit like this, say it loud and say it proud, "FUCK YOU!"
Yes, I'm back. As much as I hate to leave you hanging, I do enjoy putting in the extra hours at work for some extra pay (lap dances don't pay for itself unless you're Anna Benson).
I have a dog. Named him Kosmo after Cosmo Kramer from Seinfeld but with a K because my name starts with a K. He's a shih-tsu and he's from a breeder. I like my pets pure-bred. I'm pure bred. I can't see why anyone would have a problem with that until I looked on craigslist. When the hell did craigslist become PETA??? Apparently, according to many of the people who use craigslist, I'm killing dogs left and right simply because I chose to buy a dog from a breeder rather than "adopt" a dog from a shelter. Hmmmm...that is genius! It's almost as genius as blaming me for the cheap prices at Wal-mart simply because I shop there.
"What about saving a life? People like you keep the back yard breeders in business." said some douchebag on craigslist. Here's my answer: FUCK YOU! First of all, why don't you try adopting 6 dogs first before calling me out? This is a person who claimed to have adopted a cat. A FUCKING CAT! A cat that don't need to be walked, cleaned after, and etc. Getting a cat instead of a dog is like taking study hall instead of calculus in high school. It's a cop out! Adopt a dog first and then we'll talk.
Secondly, my dog comes from a respected breeder with credentials. It didn't come from a puppy mill. And even if it did, how am I not saving a life of a dog by getting him instead of some mutt at the shelter? What do you think happens to a puppy mill puppy when it's not getting sold? If you ask me, the difference between the two is the same as the difference between a $100 ho and a drunk whore you pick up at the bar. In the end, you're spending $100 for the lay regardless of which one you get. The only difference is with the ho, you're not getting puked on and she leaves after the lay. Moreover, I doubt some "backyard breeder" would stop breeding dogs simply because I adopt a dog.
Thirdly, why the hell would I "adopt" a dog when I have to pay all these fees that comes pretty close to what a pure-bred dog costs from a breeder? It's stupidity. Think about it this way: do you go to a steakhouse and choose the rump over the porterhouse simply because the $40 rump is $1 cheaper? I think not. If you adopt a mutt over the golden retreiver that you've always wanted for about the same price, whouldn't you regret it? You'd have to look at that mutt everyday for the next...(and another thing, if you adopt a mutt, you have no clue when the dog was born, would you like a child with no birthday for 1% off your hospital bill? I think not!) however many years and you'll be wishing it was a retreiver every single minute of it.
Bottomline, some people needs to leave me the fuck alone and not tell me how to live my life. I don't need some UAW worker bitching at me for buying a better-built BMW over a Ford Focus. I don't need the chef of an Italian Restaurant bitching at me for wanting Sushi. And I certainly don't need some douchebag cat fancier who isn't doing anything to save the life of a dog to tell me how to get MY pet! So if anyone ever give you shit like this, say it loud and say it proud, "FUCK YOU!"
Friday, March 24, 2006
DOUBLE GRINDER DAY
It's weird, I actually had nothing to talk about yesterday. Somehow, I knew what was in store for today, a double grinder. It came to me within the first 2 hours of the day even. I had the post of the day even before I walked into the office today. It's amazing!
So anyways, I take the subway to work every morning. For those of you not in New York, the morning commute on the subways is the worst for those starting work at 9am. Every express train is packed. Sometimes, you might even have to push your way onboard. And when you get on board, you're pretty much guaranteed standing room only. In those situations, you'll always want to hold on to a pole to keep your balance. Otherwise, you fall into an ugly overweight woman who sues you for harassment.
So this morning, I get on the N train and tried to get a hold of a pole. And there she is, the pole hugger. A pole hugger is someone who...Hugs a pole. She was all over it. Her whole body and her two hands are on the pole. And the worst part - she thinks it's her pole and her pole only. I tried to grab a hold of this pole since it's the closest one to me and not as crowded. And the next thing you know, she gave me this stare like I just told her "I was prolife, but I'm pro-choice now that I met you."
Obviously, you see why this grinds my gears. The pole, unlike the seat, is designed for multiple people. In fact, there are less poles than seats on the N train (trust me, I counted). So to all you pole huggers out there, SHARE THE FUCKING POLE!!! I paid my $2 just like you! People like that should be taken out back and shot. Where the hell is Stalin when I need him?
So I get off the train and take my walk to work. It's about 3 street blocks from the Union station stop. I walk down University and what do I see, a guy taking his dog out for the business. In New York city, there is a law requiring all dog owners to pick up their dog's poop. Somehow, the law didn't apply to this guy (at least not in his mind). The guy just left the poop on the sidewalk! At this point, I was already ticked and this just put me over the top. "Hey, you need to pick that up!" He turns around and gave me a look like "did you just say what I think you said?" And then he replied, "mind your own business." Imagine that, mind my own business. That coming from a guy who couldn't take care of his own dog's business. And the truth of the matter is, this is my business - I'm going to be the guy that steps in it! At this point, there's no way I wasn't getting the last word after the eharmony episode. So I responded, "maybe I will when my dog takes a shit on your front door." "Fuck you" he said and walked off. It's times like this where I wish I had my RAZR camera phone (which is now being used by my fiancee) instead of the blackberry. That way, I can take the guy's picture and post it on childmolesters.com.
And by the way, I'd like to thank all the walkerbys for joining in and forcing the guy to pick up after his dog. Oh wait, no one did. May you all step in dog shit!
So there you have it, the first double grinder of this blog. I'll be back again and let you know what is grinding my gears.
It's weird, I actually had nothing to talk about yesterday. Somehow, I knew what was in store for today, a double grinder. It came to me within the first 2 hours of the day even. I had the post of the day even before I walked into the office today. It's amazing!
So anyways, I take the subway to work every morning. For those of you not in New York, the morning commute on the subways is the worst for those starting work at 9am. Every express train is packed. Sometimes, you might even have to push your way onboard. And when you get on board, you're pretty much guaranteed standing room only. In those situations, you'll always want to hold on to a pole to keep your balance. Otherwise, you fall into an ugly overweight woman who sues you for harassment.
So this morning, I get on the N train and tried to get a hold of a pole. And there she is, the pole hugger. A pole hugger is someone who...Hugs a pole. She was all over it. Her whole body and her two hands are on the pole. And the worst part - she thinks it's her pole and her pole only. I tried to grab a hold of this pole since it's the closest one to me and not as crowded. And the next thing you know, she gave me this stare like I just told her "I was prolife, but I'm pro-choice now that I met you."
Obviously, you see why this grinds my gears. The pole, unlike the seat, is designed for multiple people. In fact, there are less poles than seats on the N train (trust me, I counted). So to all you pole huggers out there, SHARE THE FUCKING POLE!!! I paid my $2 just like you! People like that should be taken out back and shot. Where the hell is Stalin when I need him?
So I get off the train and take my walk to work. It's about 3 street blocks from the Union station stop. I walk down University and what do I see, a guy taking his dog out for the business. In New York city, there is a law requiring all dog owners to pick up their dog's poop. Somehow, the law didn't apply to this guy (at least not in his mind). The guy just left the poop on the sidewalk! At this point, I was already ticked and this just put me over the top. "Hey, you need to pick that up!" He turns around and gave me a look like "did you just say what I think you said?" And then he replied, "mind your own business." Imagine that, mind my own business. That coming from a guy who couldn't take care of his own dog's business. And the truth of the matter is, this is my business - I'm going to be the guy that steps in it! At this point, there's no way I wasn't getting the last word after the eharmony episode. So I responded, "maybe I will when my dog takes a shit on your front door." "Fuck you" he said and walked off. It's times like this where I wish I had my RAZR camera phone (which is now being used by my fiancee) instead of the blackberry. That way, I can take the guy's picture and post it on childmolesters.com.
And by the way, I'd like to thank all the walkerbys for joining in and forcing the guy to pick up after his dog. Oh wait, no one did. May you all step in dog shit!
So there you have it, the first double grinder of this blog. I'll be back again and let you know what is grinding my gears.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THIS MATCH
I actually had problem finding something that's grinding my gears today. That problem went away when I got an email from eharmony.com. Now before I continue, I should explain why I am even associated with a dating site.
I am currently happily engaged. So why am I on a dating site? The simple answer - for the hell of it. I watch a ton of TV. And lately, there seem to be a huge ad campaign being run by none other than eharmony.com. I'm sure you've all seen it, it features "Dr. Neil Clark Warren." I think it's funny how the guy's name feature three first names, like Lee Harvey Oswald, Derrick Todd Lee (aka the Baton Rouge Serial Killer), Henry Lee Lucas (confessed to over 350 murders), and so on. And as my co-worker pointed out earlier, he also looks like one of those uncles that you would not leave your kids alone with (he looks like a child molester).
After watching enough of these commercial, my curious mind kicked in - hmmm, I wonder if this crap really works? So I created a profile, with my fiancee's knowledge of course (imagine the shit I'd be in if she finds out from a third party!). In fact, I made her create one too hoping that we'd get matched up (we didn't, which obviously means this harmony crap is...well, crap). But instead, I get 3 matches right off the bat. That would be great if I limited my search to people within 1 mile of me. Unfortunately, my search criteria is for people within 60 miles of me, which is basicalyy the whole NYC area and then some! Think about it - in a city of 10 million plus, eharmony only found 3 potential matches for me!!! And I'm a lawyer making good money!!! Imagine how many matches I would have if I were to be an associate at Best Buy! What the hell is up with that??? What's more interesting is that my fiancee had 4 potential matches. Somehow, if this ehormony thing is anywhere close to being scientific, I think my fiancee and I won't be splitting up anytime in the near future. Being engaged has its hassles but it's nowhere as bad as being single!
Anyways, I get an email today from eharmony telling me there are 5 more potential matches. Either I'm getting more and more attractive or eharmony's ad campaign is really working. So I log in to my account and clicked on matches. The first thing I notice is that one of these new matches have already canned me. She decided to "close communications" with me just by looking at my profile. Right there and then, I knew what today's blog would be about.
So who is this girl that automatically decided I wasn't good enough for her? To start off, she calls herself "Kim." She's a "designer and a language instructor." I think that's a good way of saying she's looking to design stuff and is teaching English to immigrants until she finds something. I mean come on, what designer do you know that is also a real language instructor? Does Calvin Klein teach Latin at NYU??? I don't think so!!!
Let's see, what else here? the 3 important interests that we share are wine, dining out, and eating. That scares me right there. And isn't dining out and eating pretty much the same thing? And when asked what is the one thing she's most passionate about, she wrote:
"To live content ; to seek elegance rather than luxury; and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable; and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasion, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious grow up through the common."
WHAT A FREAK!!! For one, stars don't make a sound so you can't really "listen" to them! Furthermore, the question asks you for one thing, not 50! She's probably one of those people that have rich parents and feels guilty about that. But at the same time, she refuses to get a real job and keeps living off of her parents. In fact, one of the three things Kim is most thankful for is her parents and I think we know why. Another thing of note for which she is thankful for is "MY PASSPORT. Lol :-) I love traveling & exploring! So passport helps.. :) " What are we, 14? LOL. Can't stand that shit!
Moreover, according to her, the first thing I'll notice about her is that she's "upbeat, dreamy, creative, happy, positive, curious, and, more often than not, optimistic about humanity. Are you in, yet?" Actually Kim, apparently, you asked me a rhetorical question. Even if I want in, I can't get in because you canned me without even getting to know who I am. So much for your optimism about humanity. I really wish you are optimistic about who I really am. In the end, you're just another person who lies on your profile.
Lastly, some of Kim's favorite things are: "Worn out jeans and a white cotton t-shirt on a sunkissed body is my kind of thing. Sexy shoes, a must. Foreign Flix, Paulo Coelho, Jared Diamond and t P.B. Shelley. Nova, PBS. Art and Antiques. Spanish/Caribbean hot sexy music. Travel. Kayaking. favorite hot spots: I prefer small, quaint, comfy and cozy... cafe au-for breakfast in Paris, panini by the water in San Remo, fish and chips with a cold beer in Monterey, empanadas in a park in Buenos Aires...its all about the big picture..." Now I really wonder how she can manage to do all these things from the money she earns tutoring immigrants. Oh wait, the parents - that's how!
I have the option of sending a "final message" but then I'd have to subscribe at a rate of $60 per month. Somehow, that's the worst part of the ordeal. She's not the type I would be interested in anyways even if I were single, or better yet, desperate for a relationship. Getting rejected by her is like a bum calling you out for only making $100,000 a year. There's just something wrong about this site not allowing you to get the last word without having to pay. (Smart business plan, I'd do the same.)
oh yea, almost forgot, she lives in Tarrytown. Clearly she is desperate for a relationship since she's searching so far away. Can you imagine having to date someone a hour away? Obviously, she considered it and it's worth it for her. Now my question is, are there no men in Tarrytown that would date her?
Until tomorrow, that's the daily grind.
I actually had problem finding something that's grinding my gears today. That problem went away when I got an email from eharmony.com. Now before I continue, I should explain why I am even associated with a dating site.
I am currently happily engaged. So why am I on a dating site? The simple answer - for the hell of it. I watch a ton of TV. And lately, there seem to be a huge ad campaign being run by none other than eharmony.com. I'm sure you've all seen it, it features "Dr. Neil Clark Warren." I think it's funny how the guy's name feature three first names, like Lee Harvey Oswald, Derrick Todd Lee (aka the Baton Rouge Serial Killer), Henry Lee Lucas (confessed to over 350 murders), and so on. And as my co-worker pointed out earlier, he also looks like one of those uncles that you would not leave your kids alone with (he looks like a child molester).
After watching enough of these commercial, my curious mind kicked in - hmmm, I wonder if this crap really works? So I created a profile, with my fiancee's knowledge of course (imagine the shit I'd be in if she finds out from a third party!). In fact, I made her create one too hoping that we'd get matched up (we didn't, which obviously means this harmony crap is...well, crap). But instead, I get 3 matches right off the bat. That would be great if I limited my search to people within 1 mile of me. Unfortunately, my search criteria is for people within 60 miles of me, which is basicalyy the whole NYC area and then some! Think about it - in a city of 10 million plus, eharmony only found 3 potential matches for me!!! And I'm a lawyer making good money!!! Imagine how many matches I would have if I were to be an associate at Best Buy! What the hell is up with that??? What's more interesting is that my fiancee had 4 potential matches. Somehow, if this ehormony thing is anywhere close to being scientific, I think my fiancee and I won't be splitting up anytime in the near future. Being engaged has its hassles but it's nowhere as bad as being single!
Anyways, I get an email today from eharmony telling me there are 5 more potential matches. Either I'm getting more and more attractive or eharmony's ad campaign is really working. So I log in to my account and clicked on matches. The first thing I notice is that one of these new matches have already canned me. She decided to "close communications" with me just by looking at my profile. Right there and then, I knew what today's blog would be about.
So who is this girl that automatically decided I wasn't good enough for her? To start off, she calls herself "Kim." She's a "designer and a language instructor." I think that's a good way of saying she's looking to design stuff and is teaching English to immigrants until she finds something. I mean come on, what designer do you know that is also a real language instructor? Does Calvin Klein teach Latin at NYU??? I don't think so!!!
Let's see, what else here? the 3 important interests that we share are wine, dining out, and eating. That scares me right there. And isn't dining out and eating pretty much the same thing? And when asked what is the one thing she's most passionate about, she wrote:
"To live content ; to seek elegance rather than luxury; and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable; and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages, with open heart; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasion, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious grow up through the common."
WHAT A FREAK!!! For one, stars don't make a sound so you can't really "listen" to them! Furthermore, the question asks you for one thing, not 50! She's probably one of those people that have rich parents and feels guilty about that. But at the same time, she refuses to get a real job and keeps living off of her parents. In fact, one of the three things Kim is most thankful for is her parents and I think we know why. Another thing of note for which she is thankful for is "MY PASSPORT. Lol :-) I love traveling & exploring! So passport helps.. :) " What are we, 14? LOL. Can't stand that shit!
Moreover, according to her, the first thing I'll notice about her is that she's "upbeat, dreamy, creative, happy, positive, curious, and, more often than not, optimistic about humanity. Are you in, yet?" Actually Kim, apparently, you asked me a rhetorical question. Even if I want in, I can't get in because you canned me without even getting to know who I am. So much for your optimism about humanity. I really wish you are optimistic about who I really am. In the end, you're just another person who lies on your profile.
Lastly, some of Kim's favorite things are: "Worn out jeans and a white cotton t-shirt on a sunkissed body is my kind of thing. Sexy shoes, a must. Foreign Flix, Paulo Coelho, Jared Diamond and t P.B. Shelley. Nova, PBS. Art and Antiques. Spanish/Caribbean hot sexy music. Travel. Kayaking. favorite hot spots: I prefer small, quaint, comfy and cozy... cafe au-for breakfast in Paris, panini by the water in San Remo, fish and chips with a cold beer in Monterey, empanadas in a park in Buenos Aires...its all about the big picture..." Now I really wonder how she can manage to do all these things from the money she earns tutoring immigrants. Oh wait, the parents - that's how!
I have the option of sending a "final message" but then I'd have to subscribe at a rate of $60 per month. Somehow, that's the worst part of the ordeal. She's not the type I would be interested in anyways even if I were single, or better yet, desperate for a relationship. Getting rejected by her is like a bum calling you out for only making $100,000 a year. There's just something wrong about this site not allowing you to get the last word without having to pay. (Smart business plan, I'd do the same.)
oh yea, almost forgot, she lives in Tarrytown. Clearly she is desperate for a relationship since she's searching so far away. Can you imagine having to date someone a hour away? Obviously, she considered it and it's worth it for her. Now my question is, are there no men in Tarrytown that would date her?
Until tomorrow, that's the daily grind.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
NAKED WHO!?
Time Square is perhaps the best part of New York City...if you're a tourist. For regular New Yorkers, it's perhaps the #1 place to avoid. Think about it, you're walking down the street, a family of Kansasian (I guess I'm picking on them this week) is walking in front of you at a pace slower than the turtle. You can't go past them on the left because there's a group of middle schoolers on their after-winter-break-but-before-spring-break break (is it just me are are these damn kids these days not getting enough time in the classroom? And they wonder why our kids are falling behind others in the world in terms of education). And of course, you can't pass them on the right because there's that group of Asian tourists. So you're pretty much limited to walking 7 steps a minute, if you're lucky. Aside from that, you've got all these people trying to either hand you flyers or get you on "the bus." And lastly, just when you thought you're done, you catch a glimpse of the Naked Cowboy's behind. YUCK!
Now for those of you that don't know, the self-named Naked Cowboy is this guy who wears nothing but a tidy whitie and a cowboy hat. He prances around Time Square with his guitar greeting tourists and hoping some sex-deprived midwest housewife would stick something down his tidy whitie. WHAT THE HELL is up with that? Seriously! This kind of shit needs to stop. I don't need to walk down the street and see some guy's in his tidy whities! That is why Levi and Strauss came up with jeans. In fact, all the cowboys I know wears jeans, although I'm lead to believe that they wear Wranglers and not Levi's.
So you're probably wondering, what do I have against the Naked Cowboy? Well, to tell you the truth, I really didn't plan on ripping this guy a new one until 10 minutes ago. I open up today's Daily News, and BAM! Right there on page 2 is a picture of this guy's behind with the words "NAKED COWBOY" written on his tidy whitie. And this is before I have my morning coffee.
Now, if I'm right (and I usually am most of the time), calling somebody a naked cowboy is an oxymoron. That's like saying the President lives in the blue White House. A cowboy isn't supposed to be naked. Once he's naked, he's not a cowboy anymore regardless if he still has his cowboy hat on. And another thing, what cowboy do you know that doesn't have a horse!? I can't name one cowboy movie where there's a cowboy without a horse! Can you?
And another thing, the guy is from Cincinnati, Ohio, Not Texas, or Arizona, or New Mexico, or Colorado, or Montana, or Idaho, or any place associated with cowboys. Last time I checked, there are no cowboys in Ohio. I know this because I spent 7 god-awful years in Ohio (no offense to those of my friends still living in Ohio, I had some great times there when I'm hanging out with you people - at least that's what I'm telling you) and have never seen a cowboy. In fact, the closest thing to a cowboy there was kids playing cowboys and Indians. (I feel sorry for the kids that have to play the part of the Indian. Poor bastards.) And all those kids wear (guess what) JEANS!
Now I'd like to see this guy on American Idol. Clearly, this guy has zero musical talent. I can't wait to see Simon's reaction to this piece of work. It'd be hilarious. But now I think about it, it'd be a bad idea for this guy to appear on American Idol because like William Hung (he's not really hung I don't think), he might get a record deal because he's that bad.
Alright, until tomorrow, that's the daily grind. Until then, try not to grind my gears!
Time Square is perhaps the best part of New York City...if you're a tourist. For regular New Yorkers, it's perhaps the #1 place to avoid. Think about it, you're walking down the street, a family of Kansasian (I guess I'm picking on them this week) is walking in front of you at a pace slower than the turtle. You can't go past them on the left because there's a group of middle schoolers on their after-winter-break-but-before-spring-break break (is it just me are are these damn kids these days not getting enough time in the classroom? And they wonder why our kids are falling behind others in the world in terms of education). And of course, you can't pass them on the right because there's that group of Asian tourists. So you're pretty much limited to walking 7 steps a minute, if you're lucky. Aside from that, you've got all these people trying to either hand you flyers or get you on "the bus." And lastly, just when you thought you're done, you catch a glimpse of the Naked Cowboy's behind. YUCK!
Now for those of you that don't know, the self-named Naked Cowboy is this guy who wears nothing but a tidy whitie and a cowboy hat. He prances around Time Square with his guitar greeting tourists and hoping some sex-deprived midwest housewife would stick something down his tidy whitie. WHAT THE HELL is up with that? Seriously! This kind of shit needs to stop. I don't need to walk down the street and see some guy's in his tidy whities! That is why Levi and Strauss came up with jeans. In fact, all the cowboys I know wears jeans, although I'm lead to believe that they wear Wranglers and not Levi's.
So you're probably wondering, what do I have against the Naked Cowboy? Well, to tell you the truth, I really didn't plan on ripping this guy a new one until 10 minutes ago. I open up today's Daily News, and BAM! Right there on page 2 is a picture of this guy's behind with the words "NAKED COWBOY" written on his tidy whitie. And this is before I have my morning coffee.
Now, if I'm right (and I usually am most of the time), calling somebody a naked cowboy is an oxymoron. That's like saying the President lives in the blue White House. A cowboy isn't supposed to be naked. Once he's naked, he's not a cowboy anymore regardless if he still has his cowboy hat on. And another thing, what cowboy do you know that doesn't have a horse!? I can't name one cowboy movie where there's a cowboy without a horse! Can you?
And another thing, the guy is from Cincinnati, Ohio, Not Texas, or Arizona, or New Mexico, or Colorado, or Montana, or Idaho, or any place associated with cowboys. Last time I checked, there are no cowboys in Ohio. I know this because I spent 7 god-awful years in Ohio (no offense to those of my friends still living in Ohio, I had some great times there when I'm hanging out with you people - at least that's what I'm telling you) and have never seen a cowboy. In fact, the closest thing to a cowboy there was kids playing cowboys and Indians. (I feel sorry for the kids that have to play the part of the Indian. Poor bastards.) And all those kids wear (guess what) JEANS!
Now I'd like to see this guy on American Idol. Clearly, this guy has zero musical talent. I can't wait to see Simon's reaction to this piece of work. It'd be hilarious. But now I think about it, it'd be a bad idea for this guy to appear on American Idol because like William Hung (he's not really hung I don't think), he might get a record deal because he's that bad.
Alright, until tomorrow, that's the daily grind. Until then, try not to grind my gears!
Monday, March 20, 2006
THE EASY BUTTON
I love those Staples commercials featuring the "Easy" button. Can you imagine if you could just hit that button and everything becomes as easy as talking candy from a baby (without any parents, guardians, or babysitters there with the baby of course)?
Now you would think that any normal person would know it is only a commercial and in real life, there are no "Easy" button. Real life is supposed to be hard, unless you're Paris Hilton. Then the hardest thing you'll have to worry about is where to stash your next sex tape before it ends up on the internet and eventually finds its way on to my desktop. I thought most Americans would agree with me on this one; but once again, I was wrong.
On the third anniversary of Operation Shock and Awe, millions of Americans are demanding to know why the hell it's taking so long to finish Iraq. What did they expect, an "Easy" button where after you push it the turbulent country and its surrounding area turns into Kansas overnight? Okay, maybe not Kansas after that complete embarrassment courtesy of Bradley this past Friday but you get my drift. I'd probably imagine that at this time, those Kansasian (what the hell do you call people from Kansas!?) are still probably mad as hell trying to point fingers at somebody for that blowup. And hopefully when they figure that out, they'll tell me whose ass to kick because they single-handedly screwed my office pool bracket. But let's get back on point here, what the hell happened to American expectations? Who the hell do I blame for this? The guy who invented the microwave? Ray Kroc with his "fast food?" Jello with its "instant" pudding? Jiffy Lube with its...Jiffy Lube? Or Staples for giving people the idea that there is an "Easy" button?
The fact of the matter is that building a new country from the ground up isn't easy and don't happen in a day. You throw in the fact that it's IRAQ and that should at least buy you an extra 5 years. But no, it's 2 years and 364 days overdue in the eyes of many Americans. Let's be honest here, our constitution took years to develop. We're apparently still working on the social security problem. And let's not forget healthcare, didn't Hillary try to do something with that 10 years ago. And hey, are they still working on the "Big Dig" in Boston? How long overdue is that crap? I've been waiting since I first had my drivers license to drive on that that.
Frankly, I wonder what our country would be like if our founding "fathers" had ADD like everyone today. Chances are, we'd probably still don't have a constitution. And even if we do, Alabama might be a state in a different country named the Confederate States of America. Because let's face it, 4 years of Civil War and 10 more years of reconstruction is just too long to wait without an easy button.
And while we're on this subject, the same goes for hybrids (cars, not mutants). It takes time, you don't have it, you deal with it - the right way. Stop bitching at me because I don't have a hybrid car like Leo DiCaprio. In the meantime, until hybrids are perfected and I FEEL like getting a hybrid with my money, you can take the subway or ride the bus or get on your bike or hey, WALK that weight off before it kills you before global warming does.
And one last thing in case you missed it while enjoying this rant, the "Easy" button doesn't exist, unless you're Paris Hilton! In which case, I'm dying to see America does Paris II.
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