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Friday, November 09, 2007

I'll have the Osso Buco, but hold the meat!

What's really grinding my gears today are the people throwing around terms like "Veggie Ham" or "Veggie Duck" or even worse, "Veggie Pad Thai!" If you've even referred to something as "veggie (anything)," YOU are grinding my gears and you really need to stop it, pronto!

You don't call something "veggie ham" for the same reason you don't call a black guy "black caucasian." Not only is it confusing, it's just plain wrong! First, you're not giving the product its due respect. You love the crap so much that you can't come up with an original name for it? Did the Kleenex people call their product "just paper?" No, they didn't - they took the time to come up with "tissue!" And what about the Apple people? Did they just call their product "generic digital music player?" No, they didn't - they took the time to come up with "iPod!" You people disgusts me with your lack of respect and laziness. You should be the posterchild for the pro-abortion campaign!

Secondly, not only are you lazy, you're also stupid! Think about it - how can you call something ham when it doesn't contain a single pig body part? Does "veggie duck" contain any duck parts? NO, IT DOESN'T! Only a retard could ever come to that. Are you a retard? Are you sure? You do awfully sound like a retard if you can't differenciate vegetables from meat.

And let's not forget this last point: you are all hypocrites. You all think you're so high and mighty with you "I'm a vegetarian and I'm better than you" shit and yet you have the need to call your food "ham" and "duck" and etc. What the fuck is that shit? That's like some pro-life fuck that refuses to pay child support (or on the flip side, some woman who had an abortion demanding child support for the aborted fetus). It's fucked up!!! Serious, go eat salad and stop giving other people shit for eating meat. Meat is good and you know you want some too! Excuse me, I need to finish my chicken and rice!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

MEDIA - I just don't know what's real anymore!!!

So I opened the NY Post one day and there was a story about a bunch a lawyers in Pakistan protesting. At first, I was pretty damn surprised - I mean, LAWYERS PROTESTING? When the hell have we seen that before - NEVER! I'm sure there have been lawyers protesting before but NEVER in a group only consisting of lawyers. I was puzzled.

And the story goes on...apparently, they were beaten by police - so stated the story and pretty much every news outlet. They post pictures of these "lawyers" all wearing black suits, white shirts, and solid ties. Apparently, these lawyers are very detailed oriented as they even planned out the dress code for the protest. I don't know about you but if I were protesting something, I wouldn't be wearing a suit for several reasons: it's too hard to move around in a suit (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), if some shit goes down - the suit's probably ruined (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), if I get thrown in jail - I wouldn't want to be in a suit (I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers), and frankly, I can think up thousands of reason why NOT to go protesting in a suit (again, point of all this: I'd go with jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers). Now the thing that puzzles me the most is this: of all the pictures in the papers, YouTube, news websites and TVs, I haven't seen one image (NOT A SINGLE ONE) where one of those supposedly "lawyers" were getting beat by an Indian (oh, I'm sorry - Pakistan (although they DO look the same)) police.

As a lawyer myself, I need evidence here. Where is the evidence that these are lawyers (did they check their business cards?) and that they were beaten by police? Some of you might point to images of these "lawyers" getting kicked and dragged through the streets and etc. But from what I saw, the people doing the kicking and dragging are not wearing their uniforms (if they happen to be the police). They were wearing the typical Arabic (Indian? Pakistani? Bangledeshi?) garb and I doubt anyone asked one of them if they are the police. And if they did and got an affirmative answer, I'd like to see the quote, fast! But no, most of these media outlet just states them as "plainclothed police" but offered no explanation about how they came to that conclusion. Okay, that's some piece of journalist masterpiece there. Maybe the next time I get mugged in Penn Station (story another day), I'll claim I was mugged by a plainclothed NYPD bacon. If asked how I know that was a cop, my answer will be "who else could that be? He was plainclothed, he must be a cop!" (It's a he because there's no way I'd get mugged by a woman, NO FUCKING WAY!!!)

So now I'm really skeptical about everything that I know. Did we really land on the moon? Did that stupid kid really start the forest fire in California (that reminds me, someone needs to fire Smokey the Bear who obviously isn't doing his job)? Did the Halocaust really happen? Okay, that might be going to far but you get my point: HOW DO WE KNOW WHAT IN THE NEWS IS REAL!? Are the media creating the news as opposed to reporting the news now? How do I know if the images are from a riot and not from a protest (riots and protests are pretty close if you ask me)?