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Sunday, April 30, 2006

BBBBBBBBBBBOOBS!

Here in New York, you'll see people on the subway doing tons of things that you wouldn't expect people to do on their commute elsewhere. This is what I like about New York, not one minute goes to waste. Everything is so fast paced that people will literally use every minute the have available. You'll see people reading their morning paper (I go through the Post and half of the Daily on my commute everyday), watching the episode of Lost that they missed last night on their Ipod, studying for that exam they are on their way to take, finishing up that report for the boss that they didn't finish last night because they were out with the friends, applying makeup so they do look like shit for the harassing firm partner (am I the only one to find this talent amazing?), and yes, even BREAST FEEDING their baby!

That is what I saw this morning on my way in to work (yes, I work on Sundays!) on the N train. This lady was sitting on the train with her kids (and her husband). One minute I was reading about Moises Alou (the douchebag that went apeshit at Wrigley Field because he can't take the ball away from Steve Bartman) is bitching about how no one is pitching to Barry Bonds. The next minute, I'm getting a free tittie show right in front of me! Normally, I would have no problems whatsoever with this. However, this one just grinds me the wrong way for several reasons.

Reason 1 - her kids were there. And I'm not talking about the one getting the nipple. I'm talking about the 4 other kids of hers. They were ranged anywhere from 3 to 8 years old. No 8 year-olds should still be seeing thier mom's boobies. I repeat, if you're 7 or older, you should not be seeing your mom's tits. Otherwise, before you know it, you're in the incest pool and that ain't cool even if you're from West Virginia (this is by no means saying all people in West Virginia are product of incest, don't put words in my mouth).

Reason 2 - her husband was right there. Maybe this guy gets off on everyone on the 5th car of the N train getting a peak of his wife's tit but that doesn't make it right. It's so wrong in so many different ways and if you need me to spell it for you, you've got problems - seek help immediately.

Reason 3 - nobody wants to see some almost 50 year-old tits. Now I'm not saying that I'm a boob expert (far from actually) or that I stared at it for a while, but those tits do not look like it's been worked on. After 5 kids and without plastic surgery, you can imagine what it would look like if you saw it. And lets just say it's not one of the better tits I've ever seen.

Reason 4 - it's in public. Last time I checked, public exposure is a misdemeanor in the state of New York. If a guy can't expose himself in public, a woman should not be able to either (as much as we would like that). It's the 21st century people and we're all about equal rights here.

I'm sure there are more reasons but frankly, I can't think anymore and if these 4 reasons can't convince you, you can't be convinced. In hindsight, I probably should have said something back there. At the very least, I should have given her a $1. Even if it's bad tits, she should still get money for it. (sidebar time) Come to think of it, maybe that's why I don't see too many women bums here in NY. All they had to do is show some tits to get a dollar. Unlike female bums, male bums need good attitudes and a funny sigsn to get some money. That's why I don't give female bums money, they shouldn't be a bum if they have tits. If they have tits and they're bums, they're obviously not using all their resources. If they're not using all their resources, they're not desparate for a $1. And frankly, that is a dis-service to the bum profession just like kickers are to pro football players.

And that my friends is what grinds my gears today. Until next time, try not to become a bum or show your tits in public without getting at least a $1 back.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Oh say can you VEA!?

Yea, imagine my surprise, disgust, shock, anger...when I first heard of this. If case, this is news to you, let me fill you in. Some douchebag (Adam Kidron - if anyone has his address, please pass along so I can go kick the living shit out of this guy) from England (I think the term is...wanker) have came upon a new way to make money of Spanish speaking people (hispanics). He's selling a music album for $10. On that album is the single "Nuestro Himno" which translates to "Our Anthem." It's a Spanish version of the STAR-SPANGLED BANNER! YEA, WHAT THE FUCK!?

WHAT REASON COULD WE HAVE FOR THIS!? according to the wanker, douchebag, asshole, (input your term here)...the song would allow immigrants who haven't yet learned English "to fully understand the character of the Star-Spangled Banner, the American flag and the ideals of freedom that they represent." FUCK YOU! If you're an immigrant, you should already know about what this country represent. Otherwise, you wouldn't be coming here legally and illegally, you'd be going to CUBA! Spare me (and the rest of the intelligent Americans) the bullshit. I know bullshit when I see one and this is definitely bullshit!!!

I agree with G.W. Bush, the National Anthem should be sung in English! People who want to be Americans ought to learn English and sing the National Anthem in English! And I just realized anthoer thing, how many times have you heard some immigrant telling you that they wish to be able to sing the National Anthem because they love this country? NONE! No immigrants wants to sing the National Anthem just for the hell of it. I know this because I was an immigrant myself and you know when was the first time I want to sing the National Anthem - when I was watching the Super Bowl!!! I only want to do it because it would mean a free trip to the Super Bowl. I can't imagine they have you sing it and then say "you gotta leave the stadium now."

What angers me even more is that the Spanish version has different wording from the one and only Star-Spangled Banner. Like what the fuck, are these fucker so incompetent that they not only can't write any new songs but also fuck up redoing old songs? The nuevo song goes like this when translated to English:

The day is breaking, do you see it?
In the light of dawn?
What we so acclaimed at nightfall?
Its stars, its stripes, flew yesterday
In the fierce battle in a sign of victory,
The glow of battle, in step with liberty
at night they said: "it's being defended."

Oh say!
The voice of your starry beauty is still unfolding
Over the land of the free
The sacred flag

Its stars, its stripes,
Freedom, we are equal
We are brothers, in our anthem.
In the fierce battle in a sign of victory,
The glow of battle, in step with liberty
My people keep fighting
It's time to break the chains
at night they said: "it's being defended."

Oh say!
The voice of your starry beauty is still unfolding!

YEA, WHAT THE FUCK!? The is the most fucked up thing ever. It's not even like the Star-Spangled Banner much less a version of it! I don't recall Francis Scott Key ever writing "it's being defended." Who the fuck are the dumb wanker quoting? Key didn't say it, I didn't say it, you didn't say it, who the fuck said it? Just for that, this stupid fucker should be deported back to where he came from! If that happens, I wouldn't doubt that he'd re-write the British National Anthem in...French!

The Star-Spangled Banner is the Star-Spangled Banner. There are no two ways about it. The Hispanics of this country do not need their own anthem because they already have one, it's called the Star-Spangled Banner!

Oh, and that reminds me, if anyone is ever invited to sing the National Anthem anywhere, PLEASE DO NOT DO YOUR OWN RENDITION OF IT!!! Sing it like it is and don't try to put your own twist on it like douchebag celebrities. No one likes it!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

RANDOM GRUMBLINGS FROM BROOKLYN

Okay, I apologize for the lack of new posts. Frankly, I've been too busy watching the Mets now that baseball season is under way. If that's not sitting well with you, you're shit out of luck. I'm all you got and there's nothing you could do about it.

I'm thinking of starting a new periodic format called random grumblings. It has come to my attention that there are just days where I don't have a major grinder that would take up a whole entry. However, I get tons of minor grumblings. Therefore, I think I can stack a ton of minor grumblings into one entry if I don't have any major grinders. So here goes:

I think there needs to be a law that requires people (with the exception of bums because they can't help but smell bad) to shower if they want to ride the subway during rush hours. There's nothing worse than a hippie wannabe stanking it up standing next to you on a packed N train 8:15 in the morning. You wanna be a hippie, move the fuck to Vermont! Ben and Jerry might condone that shit but those two fuck don't ride the subway, I do!

We need to get rid of the law preventing parents from beating their kids. Now I'm not condoning child abuse, not in a million years. The simple truth is that some kids need their ass beat for their own good. I just read in the paper a few days ago that 5 kids ranging from 15 to 13 was charged with second degree murder when they tried to beat down a college kid in order to rob him. The college kid tried to run away but found the front end of a Mercedes Benz instead and is now dead. What the fuck is wrong with this world when 13 year old are robbing people on a busy street? Let's ask one of the kids' uncle why his nephew was trying to rob someone..."he's just hanging out with the wrong crowd. He was just trying to impress them." Beautifully said uncle, you deserve an award. I don't know about you but in my days, you impress people by doing stupid shit like letting someone punch you and not flinch. This kid obviously wasn't beat by his parents. Had he been beat, he wouldn't have done what he did. My dad used to beat me whenever I fuck up back in the day and I turned out okay, mostly. It can't be that bad!

Call me out of date but I was just informed by a co-worker (an avid Page 6 reader) of what the beef is between Lindsey Lohan and Hillary Duff: Aaron Carter! WHO? Seriously, two celebrity teenie boppers fighting over the younger brother of an unknown member of the Backstreet Boys (so I was informed)! That's like the mafia having a vendetta against me because I stole their a finger off their most recent hit. Who gives a shit? Worse off, the two teenage cunts do fight it out. Instead, they call each other whores and refuse to go to the same party. Seriously, if you hate one another, call up Tonya Harding and ask her for advice. Just get it over with already. There's nothing worse than a chick feud. At least with Rap feuds you get a win win situation because someone gonna get shot and it's not you...unless you're a bodyguard in which case, can I have your gold chain when you die?

Speaking of gold chains, what is up with men wearing necklaces? I guess it's okay for a gay guy because they got some girl in them. But a straight guy? Come on! That's not manly, unless your name is Mr. T. In that case, you can do anything you want and pity any fool you desire. For the rest of you, get a fucking pedicure to go along with your necklace. And you might as well as cut off your balls while you're at it!