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Friday, March 24, 2006

DOUBLE GRINDER DAY

It's weird, I actually had nothing to talk about yesterday. Somehow, I knew what was in store for today, a double grinder. It came to me within the first 2 hours of the day even. I had the post of the day even before I walked into the office today. It's amazing!

So anyways, I take the subway to work every morning. For those of you not in New York, the morning commute on the subways is the worst for those starting work at 9am. Every express train is packed. Sometimes, you might even have to push your way onboard. And when you get on board, you're pretty much guaranteed standing room only. In those situations, you'll always want to hold on to a pole to keep your balance. Otherwise, you fall into an ugly overweight woman who sues you for harassment.

So this morning, I get on the N train and tried to get a hold of a pole. And there she is, the pole hugger. A pole hugger is someone who...Hugs a pole. She was all over it. Her whole body and her two hands are on the pole. And the worst part - she thinks it's her pole and her pole only. I tried to grab a hold of this pole since it's the closest one to me and not as crowded. And the next thing you know, she gave me this stare like I just told her "I was prolife, but I'm pro-choice now that I met you."

Obviously, you see why this grinds my gears. The pole, unlike the seat, is designed for multiple people. In fact, there are less poles than seats on the N train (trust me, I counted). So to all you pole huggers out there, SHARE THE FUCKING POLE!!! I paid my $2 just like you! People like that should be taken out back and shot. Where the hell is Stalin when I need him?

So I get off the train and take my walk to work. It's about 3 street blocks from the Union station stop. I walk down University and what do I see, a guy taking his dog out for the business. In New York city, there is a law requiring all dog owners to pick up their dog's poop. Somehow, the law didn't apply to this guy (at least not in his mind). The guy just left the poop on the sidewalk! At this point, I was already ticked and this just put me over the top. "Hey, you need to pick that up!" He turns around and gave me a look like "did you just say what I think you said?" And then he replied, "mind your own business." Imagine that, mind my own business. That coming from a guy who couldn't take care of his own dog's business. And the truth of the matter is, this is my business - I'm going to be the guy that steps in it! At this point, there's no way I wasn't getting the last word after the eharmony episode. So I responded, "maybe I will when my dog takes a shit on your front door." "Fuck you" he said and walked off. It's times like this where I wish I had my RAZR camera phone (which is now being used by my fiancee) instead of the blackberry. That way, I can take the guy's picture and post it on childmolesters.com.

And by the way, I'd like to thank all the walkerbys for joining in and forcing the guy to pick up after his dog. Oh wait, no one did. May you all step in dog shit!

So there you have it, the first double grinder of this blog. I'll be back again and let you know what is grinding my gears.

1 comment:

patnd02 said...

you're a piece of work