THE EASY BUTTON


I love those Staples commercials featuring the "Easy" button. Can you imagine if you could just hit that button and everything becomes as easy as talking candy from a baby (without any parents, guardians, or babysitters there with the baby of course)?

Now you would think that any normal person would know it is only a commercial and in real life, there are no "Easy" button. Real life is supposed to be hard, unless you're Paris Hilton. Then the hardest thing you'll have to worry about is where to stash your next sex tape before it ends up on the internet and eventually finds its way on to my desktop. I thought most Americans would agree with me on this one; but once again, I was wrong.

On the third anniversary of Operation Shock and Awe, millions of Americans are demanding to know why the hell it's taking so long to finish Iraq. What did they expect, an "Easy" button where after you push it the turbulent country and its surrounding area turns into Kansas overnight? Okay, maybe not Kansas after that complete embarrassment courtesy of Bradley this past Friday but you get my drift. I'd probably imagine that at this time, those Kansasian (what the hell do you call people from Kansas!?) are still probably mad as hell trying to point fingers at somebody for that blowup. And hopefully when they figure that out, they'll tell me whose ass to kick because they single-handedly screwed my office pool bracket. But let's get back on point here, what the hell happened to American expectations? Who the hell do I blame for this? The guy who invented the microwave? Ray Kroc with his "fast food?" Jello with its "instant" pudding? Jiffy Lube with its...Jiffy Lube? Or Staples for giving people the idea that there is an "Easy" button?

The fact of the matter is that building a new country from the ground up isn't easy and don't happen in a day. You throw in the fact that it's IRAQ and that should at least buy you an extra 5 years. But no, it's 2 years and 364 days overdue in the eyes of many Americans. Let's be honest here, our constitution took years to develop. We're apparently still working on the social security problem. And let's not forget healthcare, didn't Hillary try to do something with that 10 years ago. And hey, are they still working on the "Big Dig" in Boston? How long overdue is that crap? I've been waiting since I first had my drivers license to drive on that that.

Frankly, I wonder what our country would be like if our founding "fathers" had ADD like everyone today. Chances are, we'd probably still don't have a constitution. And even if we do, Alabama might be a state in a different country named the Confederate States of America. Because let's face it, 4 years of Civil War and 10 more years of reconstruction is just too long to wait without an easy button.

And while we're on this subject, the same goes for hybrids (cars, not mutants). It takes time, you don't have it, you deal with it - the right way. Stop bitching at me because I don't have a hybrid car like Leo DiCaprio. In the meantime, until hybrids are perfected and I FEEL like getting a hybrid with my money, you can take the subway or ride the bus or get on your bike or hey, WALK that weight off before it kills you before global warming does.

And one last thing in case you missed it while enjoying this rant, the "Easy" button doesn't exist, unless you're Paris Hilton! In which case, I'm dying to see America does Paris II.